I’d like to share something that might not be very popular, as it goes against what so much of the web is showing, but it might have a little bit of truth in it.
And it might help some of us feel that we’re OK, that our experience is OK, where we are is OK, and that we can relax a little.
Because a lot of sexuality work, a lot of spiritual work actually has come to have a lot of pressure, expectation and performance attached to it.
So much that’s shown, that’s written about, in terms of healing, releasing, in workshops is about hype.
It’s about the biggest experience we can have.
It’s about getting a reaction, tears, anger, rage, bodies shaking.
The biggest orgasm ever.
Cosmic explosions.
The word I used, reaction, is what so much of it is.
Not response, not choice.
Reaction.
So many of us walk into these spaces with that expectation, even if it’s just a little.
We do the same thing with healing.
We’re looking to release a lifetime of stuff in a few breaths.
We do it with so many of the healing modalities; we do it with plant medicine, we do it with meditation.
And we do it with sexuality.
And when it doesn’t happen, and in that way, in that time, we force things.
We chase, endlessly.
We go from one technique, modality, teacher, to another.
We don’t give ourselves some of the most important aspects, some of the vital elements that make these experiences possible.
We don’t give ourselves time.
We don’t give ourselves the patience, the compassion, the kindness, the love.
So much of these experiences have become about achievement, the bigger, the badder, the better.
And in this, to use a blunt example, we’ve fucked ourselves, in a nasty way, no foreplay, no lube, no pleasure, no connection, just a little bit of friction sex, outcome-based sex, achievement sex…
I’ve been working in this field for over 30 yrs, I’ve watched myself, I’ve watched the people I share with.
I’ve watched what happens in our bodies, in our hearts.
I’ve watched what happens with our emotions and energy.
I’ve seen that if we can create a workshop space, a healing space, that’s consistent and safe, that allows us to have whatever experience is present, so much more happens.
I’ve seen that if we take the time, give ourselves that precious gift of allowing, not forcing, not reaching, so much moves.
In the time it takes.
For many of us, the sexual and spiritual paths have become entertainment, distraction.
We consume in the same way as we watch media, not a lot goes in, not a lot stays.
It’s the next thing, the next person, the next fad, the next whatever it is…
And not a lot moves within us.
We love the jargon, the surface, the ‘I’m into…’.
And we’d rather have a bit, swallow it without really chewing, tasting, savouring, relishing before we move to the next.
If we take a moment to see how our bodies work, how we work, if we take a moment to understand how deeply set some of our patterns are.
If we take a moment to understand what we need to to release, to let go, to heal.
If we take a moment to understand the importance of integration.
If we take a moment, and I’ll use sexuality here, to get that female arousal takes a minimum of 30-40 minutes to get to the beginning of a peak experience, and most sexual experiences from start to finish are maybe 15 minutes.
If we take a moment to understand that for our nervous systems to be safe enough to feel, to release, takes some time, conditions that allow for that.
Maybe we’ll approach this whole thing a little differently.
I get that the internet is all about marketing, FB, IG, TikTok, all the platforms.
And it’s also all about what are often the most unrealistic expectations there can be.
It’s a part of our world, and in this we’ve lost the connection between how we actually are and work, and how we want that to be.
I think so much of it has become the same as flick a few switches, install a few apps, add a programme or 2, and it’s done.
That’s simply not who we are.
I’m interested in depth, in creating a container that allows that.
In taking the time, in developing a relationship that allows that to happen, in the way your body chooses to dance.
In Tantra we talk about how you can’t create, you can’t force awakening.
We can’t force healing, we can’t force growth.
We can create the space, plant the seeds, tend the soil, do the practices.
We can connect with ourselves, with others, have the experiences.
And allow it to happen, allow it to unfold.
And it will, in the way that it flows for me, today.
If we give ourselves this, the peak experiences will happen, the gentle experiences will happen.
It will be there, in time, in the way it reveals itself, in the way it reveals us.
And it will be sustainable, the release,the opening, the learning.
We build a foundation, we open the space.
We invite, and Life, Love, Pleasure, Possibility, invites us…
I invite you, let’s talk, see what this path has to offer.
And I have some beautiful experiences coming up that are filled with delicious invitations, in a gentle way that offers you much.
