Energy moves in the pause
Sensation is in the pause.
Feeling is in the pause.
Presence is in the pause.
Power is in the pause.
The model of sex that most of us use, engage with, follow, do, is one of movement and friction.
Once we start, we move from one body part to the next, one activity to the next, often in a rush.
For many men there’s an urgency, each part of the body just to get to the next,
Ultimately to get to the end.
It’s about harder and faster.
It’s an expression of sex that’s orgasm oriented, performance based, and is actually a narrow expression of pleasure.
I teach a lot about the pause.
In touch.
In massage.
In kiss.
In pleasure.
In sex.
In self=pleasure.
This rush, and constant stimulation does something interesting.
It takes us out of feeling.
It doesn’t give us time to feel, sensation, energy, pleasure.
It’s about building the contraction, building the tension, to the explosion.
That doesn’t teach us what our nervous system, body, heart, need to actually feel.
Which happens when we pause.
I think for many of us, and from more than 30 yrs teaching in Conscious Sexuality, this definitely impacts more on men, there’s a fear of stopping, of pausing.
The fear that we’ll lose the desire, the arousal, the erection.
The fear that our lover will change their mind, lose interest.
The fear that the momentum will be lost.
The pause is an invitation to a deeper experience.
The pause is an invitation to feel more, for sensation to awaken.
The pause is an invitation to return to presence, to intimacy, to connection.
In the pause, we feel.
In the pause, energy moves.
In the pause, sensation expands.
In the pause, we take a breath, we relax, we slow down.
Everything we’ve been doing, experiencing, feeling, integrates.
In the moment of the pause.
And we expand into a deeper layer, maybe more subtle, maybe more intense.
Because we can feel.
It’s so simple, so powerful.
To pause.
And in time, it becomes an art.
It’s a gathering of energy, and when we get that, penetrative sex changes radically.
It’s very rare in learning about sex, touch, oral, penetrative, everything, that we get to hear about the pause.
So much is about technique and doing, and doing it right, making it happen.
The pause is one of the biggest pleasure secrets, and it takes us from just having sex to experiencing pleasure.
During a lesson a while ago I noticed something.
We were talking about the pause.
They got it, to some extent, and I saw something lurking there.
The question was What do we do in the pause?
A great question, especially when were so stuck on doing, touching, rubbing, licking…
Breathe, deep breaths, even 2 deep breaths, long exhale.
Relax, everything loosening.
Eyes, look into each other.
Maybe there are words, even 1 sentence, maybe whispered.
The pause is this space where it seems like magic happens.
Because after that we feel more.
The pause is where the body gathers the sensation, the feeling, the energy, integrates it, connects it, settles it, organizes it, then opens to the next moment with more, with anticipation and desire.
With over-stimulated, over aroused nervous systems, learning to pause in touch, in pleasure in lovemaking is something so powerful.
It brings a depth, a richness, a fulfillment to our experience that’s wonder-full.
It’s something I share in so many lessons and courses.
Come and explore this, I invite you…
PS. I mentioned how learning to pause can change penetrative experiences. Send an email, jonti@eroslife.co.za,I’ll share one of the practices with you.
