The Sexual Fire


There’s an analogy that I use which I call the Sexual Fire.

Essentially it goes like this. If you take some logs, put fuel on them and light them, they’ll burn. But not for long. There’s no substance, there’s no foundation for the fire.

But if you start with some kindling, light that and let it burn, then you add some sticks, some bigger sticks, logs, you create a fire with heat that can become an inferno. It can sustain itself. You can build it and build it.


Our pleasure happens like this, we light a fire, it burns, to whatever degree it burns, then it goes out.

We see our pleasure as experiences, events, they happen, and they’re done.

We have a build-up, it may be long and slow, it may be quick. It may be so hot, and sometimes it’s not.

The ending of the fire is generally orgasm, more male than female.

And then we wait for the next fire.


Last week I had a new insight into this idea.

Keep the fire burning.

Don’t let it go out.

It can bank, it can go low.

But don’t let it go out.

Every now and then add something to it, maybe just a small log, blow on it, keep the coals hot, keep the heat, keep the flame.


Instead of just having sex we become sexual. There’s an awareness, a continuous awareness of  and connection to our sexual energy, of ourselves as sexual beings. There’s a continuous connection to our partner and their energy.

We go within ourselves to keep our fire burning. We share it with our lover.

They share theirs with us.

We fuel each other.


There are times when the fire goes low, yes.

But we don’t let it go out.

It’s fuel is a word, a touch, a kiss on the neck, it’s a look of desire, a sharing of an erotic thought…

It may be days before we bring it to flame again.

But we keep it alive.

My fire burns within me, yours within you.

We nurture it with awareness, with connection.

We feel it’s vitality flowing through our entire being.

We feel it’s creative force.

We feel it in our hearts, in our bodies.

We feel it’s energy zinging through us.

It’s light shines bright in our eyes.

Its heat pulsates in our bodies.

Our touch, our kiss, our breath, share it, even in the quiet moments.


In time we’ll look at sex differently.

We’ll shift our perspective from a friction – based, goal oriented experience that ends to an exploration.

We’ll learn about the fire, about keeping it inside of us, about how hot it can get, how high the flames can reach.

We’ll see that the fire needs space to burn, space within us, between us.

We’ll learn about the different fires and how we fuel it.

We’ll learn of the fire of passion and the sacred fire of the ritual of pleasure.

We’ll learn how the fire feeds us, and we feed it.


This fire, this Sexual Fire, will burn through all the days and nights of our lives.