One of the most powerful relationship learnings is how the small things are actually the big things.
And how the small things, with awareness, with consistency, become deep expressions of intimacy. And why that’s important is that intimacy is the fabric that holds a relationship. Intimacy is one of the keys that keep us connected.
That gives us space to heal, to grow, to expand.
To understand, ourselves and each other.
To listen, to be heard, felt, to be met.
The small things that create, nurture, foster intimacy are moments of connection.
I often call them micro-practices.
30 seconds, a minute.
With presence. That’s vital. Presence.
The big things, big stuff, gestures, are great, when they happen.
A couple I worked with a while ago.
For a long time they struggled financially, then he started making money.
He bought her a lot of stuff.
Their marriage was going downhill fast.
They came to see me.
We talked.
He was so focused on the stuff, particularly a diamond he’d bought for her.
He felt she wasn’t appreciative, or appreciative enough.
She said that she loved the stuff, it was beautiful.
But it had been so long since they’d connected honestly.
Since they’d experienced intimacy, real depth, which they’d had before.
It landed deeply, took a while.
The small things are actually the things of the heart, the things the heart notices.
That are felt, that linger.
Presence.
Eyes.
Touch.
Words of appreciation, of gratitude.
These, with consistency, with regularity, are what grows intimacy, what weaves the fabric of connection.
We learn through repetition.
We create patterns through repetition.
When we bring presence to this, to these few moments that I stand before you, every day, and look into your eyes.
That I whisper into your ear of my love, my appreciation.
That we embrace, body, to body, melting.
That we touch with the intention of touching, nothing else…
This, all of these, small things, with consciousness, create safety.
They weave the strands of an invisible web between us, that connect body, heart, mind, energy.
It’s the web of knowing, the web of belonging.
This web is where we repair, where we love, where we expand.
These small things make this web flexible, fluid, flow, open.
It’s where we can dance life with each other, move apart, come back together.
These small things, with presence, are the keys to deep pleasure, to exploration, to openness.
Each one is an expression of desire, not as we think in a narrow way, a desire that’s deeper than ‘just sex’.
It’s the desire for you, and that, that alone, lights the fire of eros.
Each of these small things, moments, breaths, touches, words, are a seed.
Each one we plant, nourish, water, tend, blooms into a garden, a forest, lush with life.
Each one reveals a treasure, a spark, a mystery.
Each one of these becomes part of a shimmering, pulsating whole, that is us.
Each one of these is a poem of devotion, a psalm of love.
There are so many ways to connect, so many ways to express these small things, these big things.
When this lands for you, when you live this, it’s like a secret was revealed that expands your relationship in ways you can only wonder at.
Come and learn, come and explore, I invite you…
