Most clitori are touched in a very patterned and conditioned way.
In a very narrow way.
In a very limited way
Most clitori are touched in a way that is such a small part of the story.
Most clitori are touched in a way with very little awareness of just how much there is.
Most clitori are touched in a way that shows little of the wonder, the reverence, the delicate fire that this treasure of the body has.
The way most people touch a clit is hard and fast, harder and faster, to get to climax, to an explosion.
Here is the important disclaimer of this story.
These experiences can be deeply pleasurable, they give much pleasure.
Clitoral orgasms are important. They do so much.
There is just so much more, there is a world of sensation, a world of energy, a world of discovery.
There is poetry and music.
There is worship, reverence and adoration.
There is meditation.
There is so much beauty, such exploration.
There is intimacy and love.
There is a jewel in the body that reveals treasures of pleasure.
And these often brief, contractive orgasms, are the tip of the iceberg.
That’s a good starting point.
The tip of the iceberg.
With the access we have to information, and the amount of sex so many of us watch, you’d think that we’d all know more about the anatomy, the amazing anatomy, of the wondrous clitoris.
And yet so many of us, clit owners and clit touchers, know so little about the actual size, the branches, the bulbs.
Never mind how to touch beyond the conditioned way we do.
And a little bit more than that.
Where this pearl actually is.
Next is a little of the conditioned clitoris, once we’ve found it.
The touch, we’ve said it, hard and fast.
Here’s how the conditioning happens.
I’m going to simplify a little.
Our bodies work in patterns.
We do something once, twice, a few more times, it becomes a pattern, for both pleasure and the stressful reactions.
The more you’re touched in a certain way, the more your body gets used to it.
It produces, not always, and we’ll talk about that next, a reaction. Over time the same reaction.
The conditioned clitoris.
Which is quite narrow, until you become aware of the incredibly vast range of sensations, feelings and energy your clit can feel.
Here’s the not always part.
Not always means just that.
It doesn’t always happen, or it doesn’t always happen in whatever ridiculous time frame we think it should.
And when it doesn’t happen, we rub harder, faster.
We also create pressure, disconnect,
guilt, withdrawal…
So the model is one that is often more of performance and expectation rather than pleasure.
It’s one of ego, of pride, of usefulness, function of many parts of us, rather than intimacy, energy, possibility and pleasure.
Which takes us to this, which is where we go from the conditioned clit to the clit of limitless pleasure.
When the story becomes less about one ending, which we’ve made an enormous, and limiting, thing, to more of an adventure, so much changes.
It becomes a story of liberation, of freedom to feel.
It becomes a story of presence rather than reaching, achieving, ending.
It becomes a story of waves and ripples and energy patterns that move through the whole body.
It’s a mind-shift, that can be mind-blowing.
There’s an interesting idea that one of the reasons men are obsessed with ‘making women come’, beyond ego, is usefulness.
Which is eventually fear driven.
And we just might have created a huge sexual pattern based on that alone.
And the way that we do it, the conditioned reaction, the touch, the time, the pressure, the performance, the expectation, might actually take women away from orgasm rather than bringing it closer and easier.
There are a few mind-shifts in this story.
One of them is for clitoral touchers to get out of the narrow, self-satisfied climax giving mode into the expansion of pleasure, that’s often beyond what you can imagine.
From conditioned thinking and doing into connected wonder.
Teaching this work for about 30 years I’ve learned a few things.
Over time I’ve developed a range of clitoral experiences, both oral and manual, that are the opposite of the conditioned belief.
They’re soft and slow, sometimes firm, and sometimes using pressure in different ways.
There are actually so many ways for us to touch, with our hands and mouths, that open worlds of sensation and feeling.
That help give so many different experiences.
And, here’s a little secret, that actually make other orgasms easier and more intense.
An important digression for a moment.
When we expand from the conditioned touch to something different, we move into a gap, a transition.
Because your body is so used to something, other touch doesn’t always feel as sensitive.
With a little patience, and the awareness of the possibility, that you’re going from a really small pool into an ocean, it happens.
And wow, does it happen!
And, BTW, you can explore this on your own.
If we’re willing to take a breath, to put a lot of what we think we know down, just for a short time, you can come back to it if you want afterwards.
If we’re willing to explore a little, learn a little, allow for something different.
If we’re willing to go from the conditioned story
into the freedom and mystery of this wonder-full clitoris, this jewel of pleasure, worlds open to us, portals of magic.
And in this we’ll begin to understand what pleasure really is, what’s really within us, and the incredible power of our sexuality.
I invite you, the space is open…
