I taught, and did something I love to share this week.
From the beginning of my journey working in Conscious Sexuality and Tantra I have always worked with men.
For me the work has always been about everyone. And in that alone is so much for both of us, myself and clients, exploring the stories we both have about men, touching, sharing this space. And just as many men will not work with male practitioners.
I share this not as a judgement, simply as an observation after 30 yrs in this space.
What I shared was Quiet Lingam, or The Water Experience.
It’s an experience of Lingam Touch and Massage that’s very slow, very gentle.
It offers a man a different experience of pleasure that has many dimensions, including sensation, feeling, energy, allowing, receiving, healing, releasing, opening…
Let’s begin with that word, different.
What makes it different is that it’s not performative in any way.
It’s about being with what’s present in your body.
That means you don’t have to get erect and hard, you don’t have to have an orgasm. You don’t have to do anything.
For many men this is a strange, new, challenging experience.
It’s about receiving and feeling.
For so many of us men, sex in whatever way it happens, is about the performance and the goal. We measure ourselves, and believe, mostly erroneously, that our partners do the same.
The performance, the comparison, the achievement.
Because this is slow, gentle.
Because it’s about feeling what’s in your body.
Because it’s not about a little bit of touch then you penetrate somewhere, have enough friction till you ejaculate.
Because it’s about being present.
Because it’s about the sensations in your body.
Because it’s about receiving.
Because it’s about being rather than doing.
It’s different, and we don’t know what to do with it, what to do with ourselves in that space.
There’s something interesting about giving. We’ve been conditioned, programmed as men, to make our partner orgasm, to give her pleasure.
Whether we know a lot about it, about her body, anatomy, wants, communication etc is secondary. Part of my sexual definition of being a good lover is to make her come.
In this, and in the control so many men have sexually, we don’t always allow our partners to give.
And this is big.
Our partners and lovers want, so much, to explore our bodies, all of our bodies. To know us, discover us, and pleasure us.
So we ‘allow’ a little of that, then we go back to control, to doing, to doing to her.
It’s vulnerable, which is uncomfortable for many of us. And it’s intimate, in the giving, in the receiving.
And there’s such conditioning about receiving. So many of us actually just don’t know how.
Quiet Lingam is an experience of receiving, deep receiving.
In its slowness, in its gentleness, it’s about relaxing into the sensations and feelings, into the pleasure, without it being hard or contractive, or performative.
The movements, in the groin crease, pubic bone, perineum, scrotum and on the Lingam, on the cock, are not about going somewhere. They’re not about doing something to get the next step.
It’s a complete experience that gives a man a different experience of himself as a sexual being, a different experience of his body.
For many men this a healing experience that goes deep inside of us.
When we take away the need to perform, to get hard, to orgasm, to make her come, to last, to do so much, something within us opens and leaves, let’s go.
A lot of our patterning and expectation of who we are, how we are, who we need to be, is connected to this. In all of life.
In all the years of doing and teaching this experience I’ve seen deep emotions being released through this, that often have nothing to do with sex.
It’s a creative experience, that becomes, as we drop deeper into ourselves in it, a meditation on his body.
When I teach it I share a whole lot of movements and techniques, because it doesn’t have a goal. It’s not about a particular way of doing it.
This creativty, and exploration and discovery are beautiful to share. They enhance and deepen the intimacy between lovers, as well as open new avenues of pleasure.
And, for many of us, especially when we’re so hung up on the need to have an orgasm, it can move into what we call the Fire Experience, which is about an orgasm.
For men to learn to be relaxed in pleasure, to simply receive, to not have to do anything, just be, is incredibly nourishing and nurturing.
It touches our nervous systems, our hearts. It’s incredibly de-stressing. It’s liberating from so many beliefs we have about pleasure and sex.
There is so much for us to experience, explore and discover in the worlds of sensuality and sexuality.
So much within us, between us.
So much to expand us, connect us, in deeper and deeper ways.
On my website, www.eroslife.co.za, in the store is a Lingam Massage video to download, that teaches the basics of Quiet Lingam. I also offer online and in person lessons on the practice.
Come and share, I invite you
