THE TECHNIQUE OF TECHNIQUES PT 1
Many of us want to be good lovers, great lovers, extraordinary lovers.
We want to give our partners the most amazing pleasure experiences we can.
And that is just fantastic, because so many people do have bad, boring, unfulfilled sex.
And life, this brief moment of being on this earth, in this form, is way too short for bad sex, bad coffee, and a whole lot of other things.
The first thing that we do, in modern terms of being a good lover is upscale, upskill, upgrade and a whole lot of other words that don’t always have a lot of meaning. We love jargon, so we put it everywhere.
What it really means for many of us is we go and learn a lot of sexual techniques.
Now I love that because I teach a lot of technique workshops and lessons, I even have a range of video courses.
One of the things that I’ve learned after about 30 years of teaching this wonderful sexual stuff is this: technique is just the beginning.
Technique is information, that’s it.
Important information, very.
As we get very little education about our bodies, about our partner’s bodies.
About the pleasure spots.
About where, about what, about how to…
It’s vital stuff.
And one of the things I love about teaching these techniques is that it answers many questions for us, we come to see why we’re having certain experiences and not others, why this is happening in our bodies, and how to have that.
Here’s the thing.
Technique needs a context, technique needs an intention.
Technique needs a place to sit that connects it to us, to who we are sexually, sensually, erotically.
Technique on its own, especially sexual technique is empty, disconnected, meaningless.
We think that the more techniques we know, the better lovers we’ll be.
Our world at the moment shows so clearly the ever-widening gap between information and context, and how destructive it actually is.
Sexual technique without feeling, without awareness, without energy, without connection, without heart is dry, lifeless, linear. It’s often ego-driven, purely goal-oriented, achievement-based sex.
It’s mechanical, robotic, limited.
And essentially doomed to not being effective.
Here’s why.
We change. Our bodies, hearts, desires, energy, changes.
What we want changes.
What we want today changes.
And every one of us, men and women, are different every day.
What works for me, what I like, enjoy and want may not, will not, be the same for you.
If you’ve followed me for a while you know about my love of coffee, today might be a cortado, tomorrow an espresso.
That’s us, human, ever shifting, moving…
And as sex for most of us is the most patterned, conditioned, unspoken part of life, we do what we do, in the way we do it…
That’s a lot of context, it’s important, and I hope it gives you something to think about.
Because when we go to the place where technique is just the beginning, worlds open that elevate us into the realms of being super-lovers.
Here’s the first Technique of Techniques.
It’s so simple, too simple for many of us.
Slow Down.
That’s it.
Slow down.
Then slow down more, then a little more, and maybe even a little more.
STFD.
Literally and metaphorically.
This is about the how, not the what.
This is about the quality.
This is about what inside the technique.
This is what gives the what we’re doing life, vitality, energy, presence.
This is what matters so much more than the what.
It’s a technique on it’s own.
And it’s what gives everything we do a super power.
It’s where the subtlety and sensitivity, the creativity, comes to life.
It’s where the fire, the passion is.
It’s where we go from being technicians, performers, entertainers, to being artists, artisans.
This is where the elevation is, the expansion.
Slow Down.
Here’s some of what STFD does.
We listen to the body.
Technique on its own, step 1, 2, 3, do this, do that, is limited when we’re not listening.
It’s the difference between a conversation and a monologue, between someone talking at you, rather thin with you. This is so important for women, because so much sex is done to you. The technique, the practice done to you.
Listening, mmm, when your body is heard.
A world of difference.
We feel the body.
We feel sensation, we feel emotion, we feel energy.
We’re out of the chasing, the running, the having to get to the next step or activity, to get to the end.
We’re present. As soon as we Slow Down, we’re more present.
We’re more connected, more intimate.
There’s no urgency, there’s no performance.
There’s now.
There’s pleasure.
STFD.
It’s simple.
It’s not fancy.
What makes it difficult for us is this.
And this is one of the powers of it.
It takes us out of our pattern.
Because when we slow down, we often don’t know what to do.
That’s when we go back to doing what we know.
But when we can Slow Down, worlds open to us.
That’s what we’re going to talk about next.
For now, come and explore, Come and experience the amazing possibilities of STFD.
I invite you..
