There’s a pattern that emerges in many relationships.
I’ve got you.
And so much stops.
There’s a switch that gets turned off in so many relationships.
I’ve got you.
And so much stops.
We fall, so easily, so quickly, into a pattern of seeming comfort.
When in fact, it’s a pattern of disconnect, of numbness, of surface life.
We do life stuff, of course that’s important.
And we stop seeing the deeper need, the need of the heart, the desire of the soul, the want of the body.
So much effort stops.
Instead of understanding that that’s where it actually begins.
And never ends.
Instead of understanding that intimacy is the fabric, the web, that holds a relationship together.
And for this, firstly to last, then to flourish, needs to be nurtured, nourished.
For this to live, to breathe, to grow, it needs to be cared for.
For this to be vital, alive, vibrant, it needs to be fed.
When we actively, consciously, engage with our relationship it becomes juicy, flexible, supple, strong, creative, solid.
It becomes a foundation for so much of life.
And when the foundation is strong, when that’s secure, when we can consciously breathe into that, rest in that, expansion, growth, exploration, growth, become possible.
The capacity of the space expands, deepens.
I’ve been talking a lot about this lately.
Our capacity, to feel, to be intimate.
Our emotional capacity, our pleasure capacity. our sensual capacity, sexual capacity.
The only way our capacity increases is when we exercise it.
The only way the capacity of our relationship increases, is when we do the same.
From a pleasure perspective, because much of my work is in the limitless field of pleasure, this is one of the first places our effort stops.
I’ve got you.
I don’t have to be creative anymore.
I don’t have to put much energy in.
I don’t have to put much time in.
It soon becomes a pattern.
It matters less.
And in time, we matter less.
We lose the excitement, the energy, the passion.
We lose the intimacy.
And the threads of connection dry, become brittle, fragile.
There’s an understanding that’s emerged with this.
We lose the safety with each other.
We have less and less of a space to share what’s deep, what needs to be expressed and brought to life.
The lack of effort is reflected in a lack of vulnerability.
The channel of being heard narrows. The channel of being able to talk narrows. The channel of listening narrows.
The achievement is in getting you.
The goal is getting you.
And then the switch gets turned off.
It’s one of the illusions about relationships we have.
It’s all going to work, by itself.
It’s going to flow, happen, all on its own.
We’ve learned about the energy, the learning, the attention we need to give to other areas of life.
And for many of us, love, relationship, pleasure, sensuality, eroticism, sexuality, is the place we put the least.
When this is the place that feeds so much else within us, in life.
This is the place that makes so much possible.
