The Way You Make Me Feel


There are many fascinating things to learn in touching. It’s an endless journey of exploration and discovery that reveals more and more the deeper we go.


One of these ideas is that there is so much to receive through giving.

This concept has a few different aspects, and one of them, so simple, can change the way you touch, and the way you see touch.

And, as with many ideas in the world of Conscious Sexuality and Sensuality, it can have impact on many other areas of life. In fact it can change the way you make love profoundly.


Turn it around.

Turn it inwards.


What does this mean?

Bring your awareness to what you’re feeling.


Let’s use foot massage as an example.

You’re holding your partner’s foot in your hand and rubbing it.

What does it feel like for you, the different parts of their foot, the skin, the bones, the ligaments, hard, soft, bumps, heat, stiff, relaxed…

As you’re touching them what are the sensations in your hands, what are you feeling?

How connected are you, how present are you?

How sensitive do your hands feel?

How giving are you?

What does it feel like for you to do that?


It becomes a beautiful journey within yourself. And over time, and with consciousness, it can take you deep inside and become an amazing vehicle for self-enquiry and exploration.

It will show you where and when you’re not present and connected.

It will show you where you withhold yourself.

It will show you where you’re not coming from your heart.


On a purely physical level it will increase your sensitivity to touch enormously.

It will show you how relaxed you are with touching.

As you connect more with yourself, you’ll feel more, of their body and yours.


It becomes a beautiful way to start communicating about touch from a different perspective.

Talking about the way our partners touch us is often difficult, especially when we don’t enjoy what they’re doing. How do we say it in way that won’t upset them, how do we tell them in way that doesn’t offend them?

We often don’t have the words to describe what we experience.

And more than that, we often don’t know what we want, how we want to be touched.

It can be a minefield.

If I start by telling you how it felt for me to touch your feet, what I experienced, it opens the space for a different level of communication. When we start somewhere different we can go somewhere different. It allows us to get out of the pattern of communication we’ve been stuck in for so long.


Take this idea and put it in sexual context.

As a man, when I become more aware of what it feels like to be inside of you, wow, did that change things for me.

I become so much more aware of things like speed and pressure and rhythm and energy…

It allowed me to start feeling levels of subtlety and nuance of sensation that are without limits.

It allows me to be aware of my whole body, my breath, my heart, my intimacy.

I was able to start exploring and experiencing sex in so many new ways.

And it allowed me to give so much more pleasure.


It’s often been said that to give is to receive.

When we do that consciously, from our hearts, when touch is an expression of something beautiful inside of me, it becomes an incredible expression of love.