WHAT DO WOMEN WANT, SEXUALLY?
I sat with a group of women, some have been on the journey for a while, for some it was the beginning.
One of the questions that came up was What do you want, sexually and sensually?
For some, the answer, answers, were quick and easy, for some, not so, for some, even in this safe space, it was hard to verbalize, to say, and for some, I don’t know.
Female sexuality is as vast as life itself, because it’s an expression of life.
The elements, the seasons, the tides, the light, the dark, the dance, the stillness, the song, the silence, the mystery…
It changes, keeps changing, in its expression, its desire, its Eros.
We ask the question, What do women want sexually, and we’d love this neat little answer, a few lines, easily defined, constant, learnable…
Whereas, like life itself, all we can do is be present with what is, present in the moment, in the feeling, in the desire, in the energy.
And learn to dance with it, which requires us to learn to be a dancer.
For to be a lover, and a lover of women, is to listen, with an inner ear, an inner body, an inner heart, to music that’s changing, evolving, growing, expanding, all the time.
‘I want to feel, to feel everything, to feel loved and heard and seen. To feel like I’m not being used just for his orgasm, to feel like I’m more than just a body, just a p***y. To feel what I feel, and for that to be okay. To feel the things I’ve read about, seen on social media. To feel like it’s me you want, not just the sex. To feel intimate and loved. To feel like my pleasure matters, not in a way that’s just about an orgasm, but my pleasure, which I’m learning is changing all the time.’
‘I want sex to not be a performance. I want it not to only be about me having to come, I love orgasms, and I’ve learned how much more there is. I don’t want it to be judged and compared. It’s not porn, it’s not a movie it’s me.’
‘I want it to be slower, for everything to be slower. I don’t want to be rushed, the pressure of that actually turns me off. I’ve started touching my own body slowly and I’ve felt how amazing that is, that’s what I want.’
‘I want presence, I want to know, to feel, that he’s there with me. I can feel when he’s not there, and it takes me away, frustrates me, even makes me angry, then I want to stop, and I can’t because I don’t even know how to tell him that.’
‘I want to be able to ask for what I want and to be heard, to feel that I’m heard, and to know it’s going to be different. I want to discover and experiment and try new things. I want to be able to talk about it, and I don’t mind that he’s anxious, or nervous. I love it when he’s vulnerable with me about it, it makes it more arousing. I love it when he tells me what he’s feeling. I want him to know that I want different things all the time, because I feel different. I’m not a machine that works the same every time.’
‘I want him to learn that for me, the most fulfilling thing is when it’s making love. I want to be able to talk about that, to do that, to explore that. I want us to learn that, to learn about intimacy.’
‘I want him to know that I love sex, that I want sex, and I want it with him, but the way we get there has to be different. It has to start differently, and I want him to learn about taking time. It doesn’t always have to be a long time, but the rush to just get inside me makes me numb.’
‘I want him to know that as much as he poo-poos looking into my eyes and breathing and all that stuff, it works. I don’t want it all the time, but it works. And makes all the other ways exciting and deeper because we’re more intimate. And I’ve learned that when there’s more intimacy, I want more sex. When we’re more connected, we have more sex, and it’s better.’
‘I want it not to be this ego thing, but this human thing, between him and I. I don’t always know what I want, but I want to be able to talk about it, and to try something, and if it’s not feeling right, to be able to say so, and to stop, and try something else. And I want to be able to laugh about it and be silly about it, and it to be serious and not serious at all.’
There’s more, so much more.
This was the beginning of the conversation, and I hope it opens a conversation for you.
I hope it brings some things to awareness.
I hope it opens a door to deeper connection and intimacy, and to so much more pleasure.
I invite you to a webinar I’m sharing on July 16, Exploring Sexuality, it’s free. Drop me a message, I’ll let you know how to join.
