What Else is There?
The past weeks have been difficult for me.
I’ve felt a little lost, alone, down. I’m usually quite focused, I’ve been scattered.
I’ve been thinking about where I’m going in a way that’s not directed or clear.
I’ve been procrastinatory.
My energy has been up and down.
Writing has been really hard, not flowing.
I’ve cancelled some workshops, they haven’t felt right.
I’ve been sad.
And something so interesting has emerged.
I’ve spoken about it a little with people I’m working with on healing and growth journeys.
It’s about what else there is, what else there is in the space, in the moment, in the experience.
In this space there has been some amazing inspiration, which has led to me creating some deep, powerful experiences of sensation, healing, and pleasure.
One of these is with rope in a very non-traditional way. It’s taken the people I’ve shared it with to a depth of sensation, energy and release, it’s opening, surrendering, the body and heart.
It started with a workshop I did, then took that into playing with the rope on my body.
I’ve never really looked at that before. I love to play in the world of bondage, rope was always a small, functional part of that.
This has opened worlds.
Then there had been some of the deepest sharing, insight and understanding in sessions. Much of that had been there, and gone, but the impact had been big.
I’ve found a new awareness of the work I do, the context it’s in, and in this, a new awareness, and freedom, of myself.
There has been some very deep pelvic floor release and pleasure. I’ve seen ways, body positions to get into blocked muscles, into the way our pelvis, bones, muscles, are set, and how that keeps is uncertain patterns, and blocks more energy, more, pleasure.
My eroticism is waking up. It’s always there, being me, and it’s also been low, not quite asleep, but not there as I know it.
It’s emerging, awaking anew.
I’ve found a deep commitment to yoga, which is always one of the biggest parts of my practice. I went looking for something new and found a Tantra Yoga of breath and asana that’s been quite transformational. And it’s deepened my connection and understanding to what I call my home practice, Kaula Yoga.
It’s also woken the desire to teach yoga, which has always simmered, now it’s stronger.
Meditation, and awareness of myself, has deepened. Seeing aspects of myself, of my patterns, with greater clarity has been beautiful, hard, painful.
There have been moments of intimacy, connection, vulnerability.
Moments of uncertainty.
And more, in so many ways.
What else is there?
When we ask this we’re allowing something else to emerge, something beyond the surface.
It takes us deeper, it opens us to possibility.
We often tend to focus on one aspect of something, and very often the negative of that.
What else is there opens our eyes, our hearts, our bodies.
It opens us to our inner awareness, that is the immediate, and beyond.
It expands our gaze, our perspective.
It makes us more aware of the temporal, how things rise, and how they fall away.
It helps reframe our experiences to see that so much of what we hold onto is a story we told, were told, and held onto.
There’s some interesting research about how the body feels sensation, we label it and make it the way we see it. This question opens us to the possibility that it could be something so different.
I’ve also seen how awakening happens in many ways.
We read about, hear about, these intense experiences, where everything changes in a moment.
Of course they happen.
And for many of us it’s more a journey, an awareness that deepens, expands through doing the practices, learning, living.
It takes the time it takes, and when we surrender to the moment, we become more aware of awareness.
What else is there?
There’s my sadness, and my inspiration. They flow, one into the other. One gives rise to the other, dances with it for a while, and then becomes something else.
They’re all within me, they’re all me.
And in moments, they’re all love as I open to them.