What Has Become Of Us?



There is something that I’ve been hearing so much lately in my work.


‘I can’t tell him that, it’s going to hurt his ego.’

Is this what we’ve become, us men.


‘If I say that he’s going to tell me not to tell him what to do.’

Is that what our sexual voice has become, us men?


‘I have to find a way to say it that won’t upset him, and I have to wait for the right time.’

Is that what our emotional voice has become, is men?


Most of my healing work is with women.

Most of the people who come to the workshops and retreats are women.


What has become of us men?

Is this a space too filled with fear?

And what are we afraid of, being vulnerable, being revealed, not knowing enough, being emotional, not knowing how to love, not being able to be intimate, being too proud, being too closed, not knowing how to be different, do different?

What is the power, the incredible power we’ve given to this fear, to this vulnerability, to this openness, that our partners cannot tell us so much without us being hurt, retreating, shutting down?


Don’t we see how much they’d like to give us pleasure, how much they’d like us to learn to pleasure them?

Don’t we see how much love they have for us, and how much they’re open to from us?

Don’t we see how much they want to heal, to learn, to grow, to connect, and how much they’d like us to do the same?


And we sit in the fear, in the shut-down, shut-off space, where what we have to offer is withdrawal, anger, frustration, disconnect and ‘Don’t tell me what to do, don’t tell me how to touch you, how to kiss you, how to…’


Don’t we see how she’d like to worship us, adore us?

And how much she longs for that from us?

Don’t we see how open her heart can be, and how much she wants to feel ours?

Don’t we see how much she’d like to explore and experience with us?

Don’t we see how much courage it takes for her to heal, and how much she wants us to match that?


It’s so interesting when you look at the Neo-Tantric groups, the Conscious Sexuality pages, how much there is for women, about women, about female sexuality, female sensuality, female power. It’s beautiful!


And it’s time there was more for us.

It’s time we stepped up and out, us men.

It’s time we created more spaces for us to share, to talk, to connect, to heal, to learn, to explore.



I had an interesting insight after a Biodanza Vivencia a little while ago. I was walking out behind two women, and the way they shared, not so much what, the way, brought me to see how important the sisterhood is, how much support there is in the way women of consciousness are with each other.


And it brings me to ask, what about us, where is the brotherhood?

Not the boozy brotherhood, not the sports/work/politics brotherhood.

The brotherhood of the heart.

The brotherhood that allows us to feel the strength of a man’s arms holding us, supporting us.

The brotherhood that allows us to be seen by the eyes of a man.


It’s time.

Time for us to do our work.

Bodywork, heartwork, energywork, soulwork.

It’s time.