Open Men


I received some powerful and beautiful feedback from the Water Flow Massage that we shared last week that I’d like to share with you. After every one of these experiences I get emails and messages about the healing, the connection, the release, so many things that people experience. What makes this so special is that it comes from men, two ‘manly men’.


‘My experience of last night: The thing that stands out for me of these experiences is that it is such an amazing safe space full of kindness. Last night again at the start I was a bit nervous touching a partner whom I have just met. Moment by moment I was connecting back to my breath and allowing my mind to let go. Last night “letting go” was a layered experience for me. Just as I thought I was now completely relaxed and have let go of everything I feel another deeper level unfolding. In the end I felt so held, so safe, so in the moment that time stopped and I was ‘healed’ of pain. The feeling lingers…’ HM

‘Water Flow Massage afterglow: ‘The Water Flow Massage last night was a fantastic and gentle and very personal experience. For me, it required quietude, the ability to trust my own feelings, and the willingness to immerse myself and trust strangers enough. All of this together made it magical and nurturing. It is one of the best gifts I have given myself. For a stretch of immeasurable time, I felt weightless and totally at flight.’ DL

This touches me because I get so excited when men want to come and heal, grow, experience, share and expand.

It’s something we’ve lost so much of as men, that space, that openness, that sharing with other men.

The Water Flow Massage is a touch experience, and sometimes due to the nature of the group, men work with men. For so many this is the first time ever that they’ve touched another man’s body. It’s not sexual, there’s no genital touching. It’s one human being, one man, holding another.

There’s an aspect of ourselves in another man’s body, there’s an acceptance of myself and of him in a way that allows us to connect without the story, without the things, without the titles and labels, without the politics, without the sport, without the business, with nothing but our bodies, our hearts, our presence. There’s no competition, there’s no judgement, there’s acceptance. And there’s support. We’re holding each other, not only physically, but with presence. And I can’t really tell you how important that is, how deeply inside it goes. So many men live lives of emotional isolation. Yes, there is all so much about being a metrosexual, a man of feeling, a man of action.

I think we’re so much men of confusion today.

We have so few male role models that are strong, that are vulnerable and open.

We have to seek the channels out for our growth. They’re there, yes they are. And more men are engaging than ever before.

And yet so many of us are, what, scared, terrified, confused as to what growth and healing mean, what they’re about, what they’ll reveal of ourselves?

And we don’t know the power of doing our own work. The impact this has on our relationships, all our relationships, on our business, on our health, on every aspect of our lives.

There are men who want to grow, to heal, and I don’t know if this is more a South African thing than anywhere else in the world, from the people I talk to around the world, it’s not, those of us willing to step into that space is small, growing, and small.

There are so many stories I can share with you about women who are desperate to heal and grow and explore. Desperate because their relationship is on the edge. I sat last week in my office with a woman for whom sex has been painful for so long. Last year they had sex 3 times. She’s working on it, it’s her issue, and it’s their issue. He wouldn’t come.

And yes, it’s so important to acknowledge that it does happen the other way round, but it’s a far smaller amount.

So I get so excited when men come to these events, come to engage on a private journey of healing, growth, learning and exploration.

The next Water Flow Massage is on Tues, 19 Feb, in Johannesburg: