The Heart of Male Sexuality

We have, us men, these Hearts.
We have this energy of connection.
We have this space to hold you in.
We have this fire to heat you in.
We have this roar to appreciate you in.
We have this quiet to lie with you in.
We have this vulnerability to share with you.
We have this presence, expressed in so many ways.
We have this softness to flow with you.
We have this rhythm to dance with you.

Precious Tears

There have been a lot of tears this week.
My tears, men’s tears, women’s tears.
Tears of gratitude and celebration.
Tears of hurt.
Tears of what’s been hidden, being revealed, and the lightness, the freedom this has brought.
The relief of not carrying that weight any more.
Tears of who we are, almost as a birth, looking at ourselves as if for the first time. Seeing with eyes that are more open, eyes that take some time to adapt to this new vision, looking with wonder.
Tears of release, of letting go, of softening.

I Have Become (Un)Comfortably Numb

We’re taught, from the time we’re small, not to feel too much, too deeply.
Or rather, we’re not taught, to feel, to be with our emotions, to digest them, to learn from them.
It’s a disconnect from the body.
It’s a disconnect from our heart.
It takes us out of being present.
It takes us out of intimacy.
And it takes us out of the possibility of deep pleasure.

The Divine Possibility of Yoni Opening

At the moment many women are reaching out with a desire to have deeper, more fulfilling experiences.
For some women it’s about being able to have sex without pain.
For some women it’s about having an orgasm.
For some women it’s about feeling desire.
For some women it’s about exploring, discovering.
For some women this is about internal orgasms, G-Spot Orgasms, A-Spot, Cervical Orgasms.

The Practice of Sensual Awareness

We use the word Sensuality in a variety of ways.
We use it connected to sex, as the foreplay, the lead up to sex.
We use it connected to experiences of touch, of sensation.
We use it connected to massage, and sensual massage usually means, not always, depending on our understanding, something genital.

A Neck Nuzzle

I would like to share something with you that is so delicious, so simple.
And like a lot of simple things in the world of sensuality there is such depth, such subtlety and such nuance in this.
It’s an art, an expression of the art of pleasure, the art of love, the art of seduction and the art of arousal.

The Space of Male Pleasure Possibility

In many of the workshops and lessons and experiences I’ve been facilitating lately, and over all the time I’ve been teaching, I’ve seen something in many men.
Regardless of what the workshop or experience is about, it becomes about the cock, the penis, the erection, the touch, penetration, orgasm.
There’s an urgency, a desperation in the way it’s expressed. Everything else is forgotten in that moment. It seems as if there’s a switch that goes on, from nought to hyperdrive in a moment, and whatever else we’re doing is switched off.
There might have been intimacy and connection, there might have been an open heart, there might have been a stillness, a quietness, an inner awareness of energy.
And in a moment it’s all focused in one place, in one need.
And that by itself is interesting.
It becomes a need, not a want or desire. A hip-pumping need.

The Flow of Desire, Naturally

Natural flow.
An invitation that opens in space.
For something to emerge, arise, from the unknown.

The Penetration of Fire

There’s an art of penetration that can deepen the experience incredibly for both partners.
It’s more about energy.
About exploring sensation.
About an intimacy, which is often lacking in friction sex.
About the portal the energy opens to deeper states of awareness.

Sexual Awakening, Life Awakening

Recently I’ve been doing a lot of work with people, men and women, on sexual awakening.
This isn’t something new, I’ve been doing this for a long time, and over time the elements of this journey have deepened and expanded.
I’d like to share some of these with you.

Sexual Awakening is stepping into the field of possibility.
It’s a journey into yourself, into all aspects of yourself.
It’s a journey into vitality and passion.
It’s a journey into creativity.
A journey into your body, your heart, your mind and your spirit.

Penetration of the Heart

The way most people have penetrative sex is what we call friction sex.
That’s exactly what it is, skin rubbing against skin. We generally do it harder and faster as the sensation builds to have that explosive, contractive orgasm.
It becomes about more friction, more friction, harder, faster.
It’s the explosion we’re seeking.

When we expand our perspective on this we come to see that there are so many more possibilities in the experience.
When we begin learning and exploring we become aware of sensation and energy.

The Limitless Conversation of Touch

Touch is a language
That goes deeper than words
It’s the language of the body
That has a knowing
That speaks to the heart
To the places deep within us

Learning to touch, to massage, is one of the most important things we can do.
Especially in relationship.

Hey Man, Learn to Soften

I work a lot with men with ‘performance’ issues.
And that’s a big part of the problem.
It’s not a performance.
It’s not a race, a competition, an achievement. It’s not something you have to make happen.
As soon as there’s performance, there’s pressure. You succeed or you fail.
And in that there is no space for pleasure.
There’s no space for intimacy.
There’s no space for presence.

Intimacy Bypass

I was thinking about intimacy, sex, making love. I was contemplating a piece I thought I was ready to write called Foreplay of the Heart. That wasn’t quite there, this was.

Often, for many of us, sex is a bypass of intimacy.
Orgasm is a bypass of intimacy.

We’ve been conditioned to think that sex and intimacy are the same thing.
They’re not.
That doesn’t mean they can’t be, of course they can. If we have a very different kind of sex, or rather, in a different way.
But for so many of us we put sex and intimacy in bed together and they’re not.

Important Sexual Words, in a Clitoral Context

I’d like to share some really important sexual words with you, and then put them in a specific context and experience.
Before you get all excited these may not be the words you’re expecting, and they are words to get even more excited about because they’ll help you have more sex, and more fulfilling sex.
The experience we’re going to connect these words to is something that’s come up a lot lately with people I’ve been working with, and in online discussions and questions. And once you get it in this experience you’ll be able to use it in so many ways.

She’d Like You to Know

Over the past weeks, as over the years, I’ve had some conversations with women.
These are women who are looking to heal, expand, change, improve their relationships. They’d like, love, want so much, to have greater intimacy and connection, more pleasure, share more, feel more, love more.
They’ve opened the door.
Out of love, out of desire.
Some of their partners are willing to share the journey, do the work, go into themselves.
Some are not. And that’s not exclusive to men.

Heart – Centered Erotic Touch

The first thing I teach everyone I work with, the first thing we do on all the workshops and retreats, the first thing on all the webinars, is The Heart Connection.

When I started teaching massage it was all about technique. This was more than 25 years ago. The focus of the lessons was how to, and the ways to.
Then I developed The Heart Touch, and everything changed.
From that Heart Connection we touch differently, with greater awareness, love, tenderness, energy.

Soft Sex

So often when we hear the term soft sex we think about a soft Lingam.
That can be such a beautiful experience and has some amazing possibilities.
I’d like to share something different with you about soft sex.

It’s a softening, a softening into your body, your heart, your genitals, into your partner, into the moment, into the energy.

There’s a tenderness here.
I love that word.
It’s an opening, a surrender.
There’s an honoring in tenderness, in the way we look at each other, the way we touch, the way we hold each other.
There’s care in tenderness.