From Pattern to Pleasure

May is traditionally known as Mast*******n Month, which brings so many possibilities to awareness.
Possibilities of pleasure, of sexual energy, of self-love, exploration, growth, healing and intimacy.

For a long time I’ve spoken about the difference between mast*******n and self – pleasure.
And the reason I’m using *** is that I was once blocked on FB for writing about, you know what…

Life is a Sensual Environment

At almost every workshop I talk about creating a sensual space for experiences, for connection, for pleasure, for deep communication, for ritual etc.
I talk about the elements of this space, being warm, music, candles, maybe incense, flowers, shells, crystals, whatever it is that’s important to you.
I talk about how preparing the space, whether it’s simple or ornate, is the beginning of coming to the experience with a deeper awareness, more presence.

The Freedom of Yoni Massage

There are many different expressions of Yoni Massage that I offer and teach.

There’s Quiet Yoni, a deep, slow, gentle meditation of touch. There’s The Fire Massage, building sexual energy to a heightened state of pleasure, often an explosive orgasm. There are the different healing massages. There’s Expanded Orgasm, moving sexual energy in waves of pleasure throughout the body for a deep experience. There’s Heart Yoni, connecting heart and sexual energy.

The context of the massage allows some beautiful and powerful things to happen.

Lingam Healing, A New Practice

There is a deep practice of Lingam Healing, male healing, heart healing.
It’s a practice of presence.
It’s a slow practice, it has very little movement.
It’s a practice of time, in two ways, the time it takes each time, and the time it takes for a man to relax into it, to receive it.
And then there’s the time it takes for the person doing the practice to be present for longer. Which makes it a meditation, an unlearning, a learning, an inner journey.

We Can’t Make Love, It’s There

I was thinking about making love, and some interesting things came to awareness.

Often in workshops and discussions there’s a question that comes up, which is What’s the difference between having sex and making love.
Is it just semantics or is something there?
Something is definitely there.
I talk about sex as a goal-oriented genital activity. The goal being orgasm.
If we break this down, firstly, there’s the goal. This becomes the focus, and everything we do is about reaching the goal, making it happen, for you, for me, for both of us. When this is our focus we move into a space of performance, of pressure. We’re not present in our bodies, in our feelings, in sensation. We’re in whatever thoughts, fantasies, we need to get there, wherever there is, which is not here.
In this we’re actually having sex for the end, for the ending.

The Place of Pleasure

For many of us pleasure is way down the list of what’s important.
And I’m not talking about sex and orgasm.
I’m talking about pleasure, the energy that vibrates in every cell in our bodies. The energy of life-force. The energy of creativity. The energy of Divine life. The energy of intimacy with ourselves. The energy of love.
Conscious pleasure.
An expanded state of being.
An open heart.
In the body, deep in the body.
Pulsating with desire.
For life.

Sex is easy, orgasms for many of us, easy.
Pleasure is something else.

The Body of Possibility

In a few weeks, less than 2 in fact, I’m teaching a series of workshops in Ireland that we’ve called The Body of Possibility.
And that’s what they’re about, the possibility that’s in our bodies.

Possibilities for healing, for connection, for intimacy, for sensation, for feeling, for growth, for learning, for experience, for knowing, for presence, for awareness.
And for love.
In the body.

There’s a line in Tantric text that says First the learning is in the body, then the eyes, then the words.

Worship the Pearl

Last week was Coffee and Cunnilingus Day, which came about in response to Steak and Blow-Job Day, which came about in response to Valentine’s Day.
Makes me wonder what’s next.

I write a Coffee Blog, shorter pieces, often very personal. I wrote one for this, Coffee, Hot Cross Buns and Cunnilingus, which had a fabulous response, and led to some beautiful, interesting conversations, some with deep pain and the possibility of healing.

From this my mind wandered over many aspects of this beautiful, delicious, intimate, arousing, worshipful experience.
And from this I’d like to share some aspects of this with you.

Don’t Forget to Play

I had some deep and serious stuff to share with you today, and then I had a conversation with someone yesterday that changed it.
Here’s what it brought to mind.

We take sex seriously, and in the world’s of Neo-Tantra and Conscious Sexuality we take it seriously.
We have to breathe in the right way, we have to be in the right positions, we have to make the right noises, we have to move the energy, we have to have many orgasms, or none.
We have to do it right.

Hello Tantra Massage

For so long I’ve stayed away from the term Tantric Massage.
Mostly because of the sexual connotation that so many people bring to it.
I get so many requests from people who want to learn Tantric Massage. And my first question to them is What do you think it is? And almost all of them talk about something connected to Yoni/Lingam/Genital/Orgasm.
And that’s the connection most people have with the massage.

There is more.
So Much More!

The Presence of Being a Good Lover

There’s a lot of stuff around at the moment about being a good lover.
And lots of people, men and women, want to learn how to be a good lover.
And there are so many courses offering so many sexual skills.
And a lot of them have valuable information for us. Learning about our bodies, our partner’s bodies, anatomy is important.
Learning about where the pleasure spots are is important.
Learning about how to touch, lick, kiss, suck and more is important.
Learning how to breathe is important.
Learning how to communicate is important.

The Conscious Erotic

There is a moment, a Divine Erotic Moment.
A Conscious Erotic Moment.

It could be with my face in your neck, breathing your scent in, feeling the soft warmth of the curve there.
It could be with my hand wrapped in your hair, pulling your head back, opening your throat to my mouth.
It could be the rope you’re trailing over my body and the exquisite sensation of aliveness on my skin.
It could be with my teeth in the flesh of your shoulder, the fire in my body, in my mouth.
It could be my mouth close to your ear, and the words I whisper.
It could be our eyes, what we see in the moment of gazing, what we see as we travel the curves of our bodies.
It could be the silence of a moment.

Connecting, Man to Man

There is a sensuality of men, between men, that few of us get to experience.
It is rich in gifts, deep, vast.
Gifts of support, of connection, of intimacy.
Gifts of the body, gifts of the heart.

One of the events I offer is an experience I created called Water Flow Massage.
It happens in an indoor heated pool where the water encompasses us like a womb of safety, sensation and feeling.
It’s a touch experience, with a lot of holding, gentle movement, and stillness.
It’s designed to be deeply relaxing, connected, intimate, soft and opening.
Some of the practices you do on your own, some with a partner, and some in a group.

Deep Erotic Experience

There are moments of Erotic experience, moments of deep pleasure, moments of sexual energy, moments of intimacy, moments of the heart, moments of the body, that have no words.
They’re sacred moments, moments of an open heart.
Moments that show how vast the space of the heart is.
Moments that arise from deep within us.
Moments of eyes, of breath, of touch.

Deep moments.
That are changing the way I work, and the experiences I share, and will soon start teaching.

Arousal from the Throat

For a long time I’ve been working with the connection between our genitals and throat. For many of us this begins as healing, releasing, opening.
We hold so much there, so many unsaid things, so much tension, contraction.
So many times we didn’t ask for what we want, not only in sex but in all of life. So many times we held ourselves back from saying what we needed to. So many times we were taught not to express certain emotions. So many times we didn’t have the courage to use our voice. So many times there was fear around speaking our truth. So many times we said yes when we meant no, no when we meant yes.
So many times all of that was me.

The Relationship of Heart and Sex

‘I wanted to share this with you. As I woke up this morning with the sun on my bed, I could feel the energy moving in my body. I know it so well but it’s often so intense that I’m a bit afraid of it and try to contain it. Today as I felt it moving I decided to meet it with curiosity. I put my hands on my heart and my yoni, I breathed into my heart and I asked it “where do you want to go and what do you want to do?” as I met it with that gentle, open curiosity it moved from an intense flow of energy up and down my body, spreading itself outwards throughout my whole body until my finger tips tingled. It flowed outwards in waves of delicious pleasure, gently inhabiting my whole body and expanding my yoni so that it felt as if my yoni was meeting my heart for the very first time. I’m lying here with the sun caressing my skin in a place of pure pleasure and lightness.’

Presence in Deep Yoni Massage

There is something fascinating that happens in Deep Yoni Massage.
And I’m using the word deep in a few different ways here.
And all of them are about presence, connection, intimacy, awareness, the heart.
Which is the journey of the guide, an inner journey. I’m using the word guide instead of giver, doer, because you’re simply guiding the energy, guiding her body.. Everything is within her, and in this experience, there’s a conversation, a deep conversation beyond words.
It’s a conversation of the body, of sensation, of awareness.
It’s a deeply intimate conversation, in your body talking to my hands, and me sensing that. No thought. Sensing, feeling, being.
As soon as it’s a thought, the feeling is lost, and then it becomes an experience of what should I do, how should I move, am I doing it right, who am I doing it for, how much can I turn you on.
It becomes about my thoughts, rather than what’s there in the touch, there in your body, and in mind.

Relax, It’s Important

There is something so important for both healing and pleasure that we tend to overlook.
Maybe because it’s so simple, and in its simplicity we forget about the power it has.
To relax.

We tend to live, and love, and experience pleasure, in a state of tension, of tightness.
For most of us, that’s become the default state of our bodies, minds, hearts and energy.
Simply due to life.

Here’s what happens, and in this we begin to understand a lot about releasing, about letting go, about softening, and the impact this has on our pleasure.

The Receiving Man

A while ago I wrote a piece called What She’d Like You to Know.
It sparked some deep and intimate sharing and discussion, about pleasure, about relationships and about communication.
It also led to some beautiful exploration of what we want, for men and women.
And from this something emerged that has such power in a few ways.

The Receiving Man.
For many men sex, and touch, has an element of control.
As a man I can receive for a while, and then I go into the mode of touching you, making something happen, moving towards penetration, or making you come, taking control in some way, initiating in some way.

The Possibilities of Sexual Energy

As much as we might read about sexual energy, as much as we might read about the healing possibilities, the pleasure possibilities, the creative possibilities, the vitality, the life-force, the intimate possibilities, the spiritual possibilities, it’s only in the experience that these become realised, embodied, felt, known.
In the body we explore, we discover.
In the body we drop through the layers from intensity to subtlety.
In the body, in the energy channels, we feel, we sense.
In the body we expand.
In the body we become present.
In the body we become aware.
In the body we become still, quiet.
In the body we feel.

The Deep Yoni Pause

There is something so important in Yoni Massage, both for healing and pleasure.
Pause in your touch.
Pause in your caress.
Rest your hand, your fingers.

Energy moves in the pause.
Release is in the pause.
Letting go is in the pause.
Relaxation is in the pause.

The Pleasure In A Kiss

I love to kiss, and for me it’s an experience of deep intimacy and arousal.
There’s a conversation in our kiss, in the delicate touch of lips and tongues we tell our lovers so much. Our presence, our love, our desire are communicated in the moment.

We can bring ourselves into presence with our kiss, into an awareness.
More than that, a kiss can be a meditation.
It’s not just foreplay, it’s not just a lead-up to sex, it’s a journey on its own. There is a world of sensation, of emotion, of feeling, of energy in our kiss.
It can be playing, it can be a celebration of the joy of our mouths, the joy we find in each other.
It’s a dance of lips, mouths, tongues, breath, of pressure, of tempo.
It’s a feast of texture, taste and aroma.
Our kiss can be tender, soft, slow.
Liquid flow.
And it can be fire, growling, passion, messy.

My First Taoist Massage

I remember the very first Taoist Sexual Energy Massage I received.
I had done many, taught it lots, and never received it.
Then I taught it to a lover, who gave me the experience of the massage.
After the massage she was sitting next to me, I reached to put my arms around her, and I sobbed, gut-wrenching sobs that went on and on.
I have no idea what was released, no conscious awareness of it.
I do remember the peace I felt afterwards.
And the arousal.

The Power of These Young Men

There is something so interesting happening lately, that is impacting on young men, mostly under 30.
And what is amazing is that many of these guys are seeking help.
This is big, as for so many men, of any age, seeking help for anything sexual is such a big thing.

What’s happening is that many of these young men are struggling with quick ejaculation, and often this is linked to erection issues.
It’s fantastic that these young men are firstly acknowledging that there is an issue, and that they’re doing something about it.
When it happens at that age we so often ignore it, think it will get better, or go away, or pretend it’s not there, deflect it, suppress it…

Expanded Energy Orgasm

Flow through orgasm into pleasure.
Flow beyond orgasm into pleasure.
Flow through sensation into energy.
Flow from contraction into expansion.
Flow from the end into the ocean of possibility.

So much changes when we experience sex as energy.
So much changes when we experience orgasm as energy.
So much changes when we move beyond orgasm into pleasure.
So much changes when the energy can move through your body, in waves, in ripples, in spirals, dance as it will.

Holding, A Touch of Presence

It’s so powerful.
It’s so simple.
It’s so deep.
Just holding.

It can be a sacred experience, a meditation, on the body, on the warmth, on the texture of the skin, on what’s beneath the skin, the blood that flows, the muscles that move, even in rest, the breath that rises and releases.

Deep Cervical Pleasure

Expanding into potential.
Expanding into Possibility.
Expanding into the space within.
The twin flames of energy and pleasure dance with each other in the body.
The Heart opens.
The Body opens.

‘I felt the pulsations inside my Yoni for hours afterwards, even as I was falling asleep I was aware of them’.

After Valentine’s Day

I’m not a great fan of Valentine’s Day. More than anything else because of the commercialization which it gives us as an empty expression of love.
You get the flowers, the chocolate the jewellery, the lingerie, the dinner, the whatever.
I’m going to digress for a moment and drop a hint, I really like really good quality dark chocolate!
And then what?
What happens the next day?
So let’s not throw the baby away with the bathwater here, because there are possibilities. And the more time I spend learning, teaching, experiencing, exploring, the more I see how many possibilities are present in every situation.
And here’s the possibility.
Don’t stop there, on one day.
Every day, every single day.

Surrender to Pleasure

We surrender to our sexuality, to our deep pleasure by becoming sex rather than doing sex, having sex.

For many of us sex is a doing thing, it has a progression that we follow, which is mostly a pattern that is largely unconscious.
It has steps and boxes for us to tick off and check.
It often, mostly has a goal of orgasm, which keeps us in the pattern of doing, something we have to reach, make happen. It also becomes the criterion by which to judge the experience, was it successful, did we get there?

Did You Come? Such a Heavy Question

One of the things that emerged, as it does on so many journeys, that is so important in our sexual journeys.
Get away from the outcome into the pleasure.

It’s so simple, and it changes so much in so many relationships, in so many experiences and opens so many doors of possibility.
It frees us to feel, to experience.
It frees us to connect.
It frees us into intimacy.

A Shift in Perspective on Oral Pleasure

A while ago a woman asked me a question, How do I give a better Blow-Job?
On the surface it’s a simple question, and as I see more and more, the simple questions have such depth.

We spoke a little about it, and she said that her first thought was about techniques. She thought she didn’t know enough, and if she learned more of the skills involved it would improve her performance.
Then we had a discussion about that, performance.
I asked why she thought of it as a performance, who was she performing for?
She said she wanted to giver her partner the most pleasure.
I said that maybe performance and pleasure weren’t the same thing, that performance was about creating pressure, it was about being judged, graded, given a bronze, silver or gold medal, whatever the criteria were.
So we spoke a little about pleasure.
And whose pleasure. Aah, that struck a chord somewhere.

Drop Into Your Body

Drop into your body.
Drop deep, into the base, into the pelvis.
On so many journeys, in so many teachings, it’s about moving up, moving away from our base.
And it just may be that moving the other way, moving down, brings us into ourselves. Into the core.
We can’t wait to get higher, and we can’t wait to move.
And in this we so often force the movement, we force the energy.
And we’re sitting, literally and metaphorically with a pelvis of deep tension, contraction, tightness congestion. Emotionally, physically, energetically.
We’ve created a disconnect from ourselves, a distance in our bodies.

Imagine That You Had a Lover

Imagine that you had a lover, and that lover wanted to explore your body, get to know your body, caress your body. Imagine that this lover wanted to find the ways and places you like to be touched.
Imagine that this lover wanted to look at your body, turn you this way and that to see your curves, your valleys, the way your body curls inwards to the secret places of pleasure.
Imagine that this lover wanted to hear you moan and sigh and growl and scream.
Imagine that this lover wanted to taste your body, in all the places they could, your sweat, your juices.

Sexually Bored, You Must Be Asleep!

Recently a few people, both couples and single people have come to see me because they’re sexually bored.

I’ve been teaching in the field of Conscious Sexuality for over 20 years, and this is a pretty common thing. In fact in long-term relationships it’s one of the biggest sexual issues that people encounter. And sometimes it doesn’t have to be experienced in a long relationship.
Often we’re bored with our own sexuality, which has nothing to do with our partner’s, it’s fully about us. I’m going to come back to that a little later on.

Recently something landed for me about being sexually bored.
If you are, bored with your sexuality, with the experiences that you’re having you’re either asleep, unconscious, disconnected, so stuck in a pattern, so goal-oriented, so in expectation, so deep in a pattern.
How else can you be sexually bored?

In this there’s something I’ve come to see the importance of.
We need to heal in context.
In the context of our bodies, our hearts, our minds, our lives.
Sex, and our genitals, Yoni and Lingam, are not separate from the rest of us. Our sexuality happens in our lives. And so much of what happens, what plays out in our sexuality, often doesn’t have a lot to do with sex. That’s just the place where something is expressing itself.

YoniLIngam in the Body

Much of my work is in the world of sexual healing. At least that’s where many journeys start, then they become more about learning, growing, exploring, expanding. These journeys also become more about life, all aspects of life.

In this there’s something I’ve come to see the importance of.
We need to heal in context.
In the context of our bodies, our hearts, our minds, our lives.
Sex, and our genitals, Yoni and Lingam, are not separate from the rest of us. Our sexuality happens in our lives. And so much of what happens, what plays out in our sexuality, often doesn’t have a lot to do with sex. That’s just the place where something is expressing itself.

For Whom do we Heal?

Yesterday I shared a post that I wrote a while ago, called What’s Become of Us.
It’s on my page if you’d like to read it.
It was prompted by a few things. Many women sitting with me and talking about how difficult it is to talk to their male partners about sexual and relationship issues, how they think they have to do it carefully so as not to upset them, how delicately they have to handle it.

There were some great discussions, comments and questions that prompted these thoughts.

We have to heal for ourselves.
We have to grow, to expand, release, for ourselves.
We can’t do it for another.
We can’t do it for a relationship.
We have to do it for ourselves.

What Else is There?

The past weeks have been difficult for me.
I’ve felt a little lost, alone, down. I’m usually quite focused, I’ve been scattered.
I’ve been thinking about where I’m going in a way that’s not directed or clear.
I’ve been procrastinatory.
My energy has been up and down.
Writing has been really hard, not flowing.
I’ve cancelled some workshops, they haven’t felt right.
I’ve been sad.

And something so interesting has emerged.
I’ve spoken about it a little with people I’m working with on healing and growth journeys.
It’s about what else there is, what else there is in the space, in the moment, in the experience.

My Genital Relationship

Much of my work is, or begins with sexuality, the relationship we have with our sexuality is, of course, a large part of this. This relationship forms the framework of the journey, it gives it a context, a place to live in.
And more and more I see the importance of the context.

Our sexuality is not in a vacuum, as many of us express it that way. Our sexuality is not in a little box that we bring out in very specific circumstances and use, then put away again.
Our genitals are not separate for the rest of who we are: bodies, minds, hearts and energy. Everything is connected, entwined, dancing, or not, talking, or not, listening, or not, with each other.

Coffee and Rope

Last week I did a rope workshop facilitated by a friend in Australia.
It was a very non-traditional approach, that wasn’t really about tying, knots, positions etc, which is often quite technical.
This was about the energy of the rope, using the rope as a communication, as a sensual element, as part of the intention and sensuality of the experience, as an energy.
As with all things I learn I couldn’t wait to try it and personalize it, see how it worked, where it could go, what the possibilities were.

Self-Pleasuring, An Inner Journey

Our sexuality is a guide, a teacher, a path of personal enquiry, a way to experience energy, a way to access deep states of consciousness, a way to become incredibly intimate with ourselves, a place to become aware of many of our patterns, a way to get to know, explore and experience our bodies, our hearts.
It’s a way for us to heal, so many things, that have nothing to do with sex, as well as sex.
It’s a way to find stillness, the inner quiet that connects us to the deepest parts of ourselves.
It can take us to a meditative state.
It can give us access to creative energy and inspiration.
And it offers us pleasure, deep, limitless pleasure.

The Slow Magic

There is magic in slow.
There is such power in slow.
Slow brings us into presence.
All else drifts away naturally when we are present.
There is no struggle in slow, there is surrender, to this moment, to our body, to our breath, to sensation, to feeling.

A Self-Pleasuring Energy Experience

This is a self-pleasuring experience that will allow you to experience your sexual energy.
When we can build that energy, that beautiful, powerful, vital sexual energy, when we can build it and then keep it inside of us, there is an intelligence within that will use that energy.

Patterns and Self-Pleasuring

I’m preparing for the Conscious Self-Pleasuring Webinar on Wednesday, and I’m think about all the things I’d like to share with you, there’s so much…

The Angry Heart

The angry heart cannot love, The angry heart cannot open…

SexTalk – A Masterclass on Self-Pleasuring

May is Masturbation Month so the team presents a masterclass on self-pleasuring. How to have more pleasure from self-play, using your sexual energy for meditation and creativity, the power of breathing, edging, anatomy and more.

SexTalk – May is Masturbation Month!

Join the team for a masterclass on how to have more pleasure with your own beautiful body… deeper orgasms, and how to use your sexual energy for meditation, healing and creation.