The Subtle Fire of Kissing a Yoni

‘Don’t go straight for the clit.’
If we learn a little about sexual, and oral pleasure, and more specifically, Kissing a Yoni, it’s one of the first pieces of advice in so many lessons and talks and tutorials.
And generally it’s a great piece of learning.

I’d like to share something with you that can change that, and it needs to be in a context.

Building the Sexual Fire

There’s a beautiful concept of The Sexual Fire.
And when we take time to build the fire it can become an inferno, of sensation, of feeling, energy and passion.
And that’s the key.
Taking the time, particularly for women, to grow the fire.

And here’s something interesting, a different take on the way we start the fire.
Start it hot.

Your Yoni, Your Lingam Deserve More

Your Yoni or your Lingam deserve more.
They deserve more than simply being rubbed, by ourselves, mostly hard and fast to the orgasm of release.
Your Yoni/Lingam deserve more than simply penetrating, being penetrated, to the friction, to the orgasm of release.

Cervical Sex, Cervical Orgasms

I’d like to share something with you about Cervical Sex and Cervical Orgasms.

It’s a different realm of sex, of pleasure, of energy.
It’s a heart experience, a body experience, an energy experience.
It’s a vibration, a pulsation, that can be subtle and can be strong.
It’s deep, deep in the body, deep in the Yoni, as deep as you can go.
And it’s emotionally deep, energetically deep.

Yoni Massage for Healing and Pleasure

I have been practicing and teaching Yoni Massage for over 20 years, for healing, for pleasure, as an energy experience, a body experience, a heart experience and a spiritual experience.
Sometimes, more times than not, these all merge together in one experience.
They’re not separate, as we often think.
One leads to another, opens the door for another, has the seed of another within us.

Worthiness of Being Alive

So much of my work is with people, one-on-one.
I love this space as so much learning happens, for me.
And one of the things I value about it as when issues come up they often come in waves, similar things that people are looking at, which allows for an exploration, a discovery, a journey into the topic from different perspectives.

One of the things that’s come up a lot recently, it’s not new, and has touched so many of us over time, is deservability, worthiness.

The Pleasure Continuum

A few days ago my lover asked me a beautiful question, Do you want to continue making love?
Our lovemaking had started hours ago, there were orgasms, and in between we’d been out, we’d done some shopping, we’d done some work.
And here was this delicious question.
To continue.

The Power and Pleasure in our Eyes

It’s been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul.
They may be that, and they’re also the windows to so much more.

Eye Gazing has become almost an obligatory practice on most sensuality, sexuality and intimacy workshops.
We can approach it as a ‘Here we go again, let’s do this so we get to the good stuff, the juicy stuff’, or it can be a world in itself.
And it has so much for us, and in our lives, in our relationships and in pleasure.
And at the end of this piece I’m going to share with you how this can deepen and expand a sexual experience into amazing intimacy and energy.

To Kiss Simply for the Kiss

Last night at Biodanza my friend Christos said something which resonated deeply me with regards to sex, to sensuality, to pleasure, and of course, to life.
Why of course to life?
Because these things are all the same, they’re not separate from life, they are life.
And I’m going to come back to this.

Here’s what he said, and I’m paraphrasing slightly.
The dance is the purpose.
So often in life we do things for other things.
We meditate for other things, to be calmer, to feel more connected, whatever it is that we get from it.
We exercise for other things.
So much is in preparation for something else.

There Are Ways of Touching

When you sit before another
And look into their eyes
When you breathe into your heart
And feel the love that dwells there
When you touch another with that love
With wonder, with curiosity
With a sense of the sacred
You’re in the presence of the Divine

How Do I Know I Love You

She asked me how I knew I loved her.
Which, if you explore Consciousness, even a little, becomes a fascinating question.
In fact, many questions.
Who is the I in the question, and what do we actually really know, beyond our perception?

I thought for a moment, I felt for a moment.
I looked into her eyes and said, I don’t.
I don’t know.
Here’s what I do know.

If You’re Going to be a Man With a ****

If you’re going to be a man with a c***, can you learn of the connection between your heart and c***?
If you’re going to be a man with a c***, can you learn of the sacred expression of pleasure as a man of the earth?
If you’re going to be a man with a c***, can you learn about the energy that comes from flowing in pleasure rather than simply ejaculating?
If you’re going to be a man with a c****, can you learn of the ways to pleasure a woman, as a God would?


There is something that can change your relationship, deeply, simply, powerfully.
It can enhance the intimacy and connection you feel.
It can open doors to a heightened expression of love.
And it can be a way to awareness, in all of life.


Hard Is Not The Only Way

I started this piece in a way that I’ve started many similar pieces.
I work with a lot of men who struggle with early ejaculation and erection problems.’
I stopped, looked at the words, and some interesting things came to awareness.

The first awareness was the word struggle.
I’ve used it lots, and realize the limitation of the word. The contraction and resistance.
There’s a deep link between language and reality. And there’s a deep link between our inner and outer worlds.
And when it comes to healing, when there’s a struggle, when there’s something to overcome, especially in this context, it creates hardness and resistance.
We struggle.

Your Own Sexual Relationship

‘I am coming to know and accept my Yoni. There’s a conversation that’s happening, a connection that I feel more and more.’

It’s a simple statement, and it means so much.

The relationship many of us have with our bodies, and more specifically our genitals, is at best functional.
And when we have that kind of relationship with the pleasure centres in our body, it’s difficult to have experiences of deeper, higher pleasure and fulfilment.

The Power of Connection

So many of us are looking for deeper pleasure, for fulfilment.
Some of us, many of us, think it’s in the techniques of sex, learning more, and that’s important. Particularly as we get very little education for pleasure, very little about our bodies, about out partner’s bodies.
A brief digression about this. There was a TikTok video around where someone stops random men and asks them to point to the clitoris on a diagram. Very few of them did.
The learning is vital.
And what’s really important is to put the learning in a context. Without this it’s simply technique. And technique on its own means we see everything the same. In sexuality it means that every man, every woman, every body is the same. And the expectation is that the same thing works for everyone, all the time, every day.

Let’s Stop Measuring

We are a society obsessed with measuring.
Everything we possibly can, we measure.
And in the measure comes a judgment.
There’s a constant comparison in measurement, and a constant insecurity.
There can be little fulfillment, or peace, happiness, as long as we are measuring.

Conscious Touch, Limitless Possibility

I was looking through some pictures from various massage shoots I’ve done over the years, we’ve used one here for this piece.
It took me on an inner journey of memory, and as some new ideas are saying, only about half our memories are true, then it’s a great story as well.
My journey started with massage, a very general course of something that was called Swedish Massage.
This expanded into sports and therapeutic massage, Shiatsu, Stress Massage.
And then a turn into energy, sensuality, sexuality, eroticism, spirituality.
This was, and still is, expressed in Taoist Sexual Energy Massage, Kashmiri Massage, Tantra Massage, Conscious Sensual Energy Massage, Yoni Massage, Lingam Massage, Breast Massage, Water Flow Massage, Perineal Massage, Anal Massage, Sensual Bondage Massage, Massage Dance and more.
I’ve spent over 25 years learning, exploring and more than ever, developing and expanding these experiences.

Beyond Orgasm, The Possibility

There are so many ways for us to make love.
Not that we really make love anyway, for love is there always, waiting for us to reveal itself to us.
And when we hear the phrase ‘making love’, we generally think about sex.
But can our sex be so open that it opens us to love. Can our bodies, our hearts, our eyes, our mouths be so open, that love steps forward from the place deep inside of us where she sits to fill us with her pulsation. Can our sex be the portal that opens us to the love that bathes us as we rest together. Can our sex open us.

The Beautiful and Subtle Art of Clitoral Massage

Being willing to step out of the pattern, being willing to step out of the conditioning, being willing to step out of the expectation, something emerges.
Being willing to ask, What else is here.
Being willing to dance with possibility.
Being willing to dance my hands on your body, something emerges.

Most of us have sex for the end of sex, which is pretty interesting, and pretty limited.
It’s the end that we’re chasing.
The orgasm.
And almost everything we do is about getting there.
And because we’re so focused on there, we tend to not really notice what’s here.

The Risk of Pleasure

There is a great risk in deep pleasure, in allowing ourselves to go to that place.
The place where we become one with another.
The place where we become one with life.
The place where we feel the Divine within us.
And in time, where we live as Divine.

A Pleasure Practice

I was thinking about a Pleasure Practice.
I was thinking that we have all kinds of practices, health practices, spiritual practices etc.
But what about a Pleasure Practice, a Sexuality Practice, an Intimacy Practice, a Sexual Energy Practice, an Erotic Practice.

We often engage with this part of ourselves only during sex, with ourselves or with another.
We’re often only sexual beings when we’re having sex, when we’re in a relationship.
Instead of understanding that we’re sexual beings, sensual beings, pleasure beings, intimate beings, all of the time.
And like every other part of life it’s important to nurture, to nourish, to explore, to develop our sexual selves, our erotic selves.
To engage with this energy consciously, regularly, and not only in a sexual context, a genital context.

To Worship My Lover

I write a lot, I teach a lot about worship.
Yoni Worship, Lingam worship.
Touch and massage as a form of worship.
Touch as a sacred expression.
Worship of your lover, in pleasure, in breath, in their eyes, in your words.

It is my desire to worship my lover, in so many ways.
To serve her, to give to her, in love, in pleasure, in possibility.

All Orgasms Are Different!

For many of us the model of sex is based on what we think it should be, how we think it should be, how we think it should look.
This is often a porn-based model, filled with the idea of performance and expectation.

Orgasm, the way we express orgasm, especially for women, has been caught up in this model.
The expectation of it is that there’s lots of moaning, groaning, screaming, shouting.
There’s lots of writhing, wriggling.
There are earthquakes and stars colliding…

The Exploration of a Body

The exploration of a body is the exploration of a life.
The exploration of a body is the exploration of the world.
The exploration of a body is timeless, limitless.
It changes as the body changes, throughout a life.
The exploration of a body is a journey into ourselves, into our hearts, into intimacy.
The exploration of a body is a meditation, a prayer.
The exploration of a body is a journey into beauty.

Conscious Sexuality, The Possibilities

There’s a definition of Conscious Sexuality that I use.
It’s to be present during sex, and to be with whatever arises, whatever emerges.
It’s a way in to the more of sex, a doorway to what our sexual energy, and our experiences, can show us.
It’s a way in to healing, to awareness, to growing, to expanding.
It’s a way in to our bodies, our hearts.
It’s a way in to our shadow, to our subconscious.

When we look at those words.
During sex, and we understand that sex is not only penetration, it’s not only genitals, it’s not only orgasm.
And sex is not always with someone else.

Healing by Adding, Expanding

The framework of healing I’ve been sharing since I began this journey is about patterns.
That’s how we work.
The patterns are in our minds and in our bodies, and they’re mostly subconscious.
We mostly become aware of the patterns when we have a problem, an issue, a pain.
Then we start to see that maybe we’ve done this before, maybe we’ve been doing this a long time, which we generally have.
We see that the story is familiar, and we pretty much know how it ends. And we can’t really help ourselves but do what we do. Often despite our best intention in the moment, to do it differently.
Because the patterns are deep, beyond conscious awareness.

The healing practices that I’ve developed are about helping shift the patterns, moving to becoming more aware, seeing what we’re doing. And in time, seeing what else is there, what the possibilities are.
This way of working is about that, moving more into possibility.

Erotic Inspiration

Erotic Inspiration is a delicious phrase, filled with such possibility.
In all aspects of life.

An Erotic Life is so much more than a sexual and genital expression of that energy.
But that’s what so many of us think about when we heat the term ‘erotic’.
For me, Erotic is an expression of the fullness of life. It’s the body, the mind, the heart.
It’s vitality and creativity.
It’s sensual, as in the experience of all of our senses.
It’s nature, and the world, the elements.
And it’s inner nature. An Erotic Nature is a state of being that looks at life in connection, in awareness and presence.

Sometimes Fulfillment is Elusive

I am so fortunate in getting to have the conversations, and experiences, that I have.
And how much of one person’s journey is all of ours, how the learning, the understanding in one space can open the space for someone else. How a discussion on a workshop, a question someone has, an issue they’re looking at, opens an awareness for others, how a discussion in a session brings a wave of something similar.
It’s one of the reasons our sharing ourselves is important, we share for ourselves, we share for everyone.

A while back I wrote a piece called Just because You’re Having Orgasms Doesn’t Mean That You’re Fulfilled. This idea comes back again and again in many ways.

Here’s another layer of that conversation.

For a long time I’ve spoken about the difference between mast*******n and self – pleasure.
And the reason I’m using *** is that I was once blocked on FB for writing about, you know what…

From Pattern to Pleasure

May is traditionally known as Mast*******n Month, which brings so many possibilities to awareness.
Possibilities of pleasure, of sexual energy, of self-love, exploration, growth, healing and intimacy.

For a long time I’ve spoken about the difference between mast*******n and self – pleasure.
And the reason I’m using *** is that I was once blocked on FB for writing about, you know what…

Life is a Sensual Environment

At almost every workshop I talk about creating a sensual space for experiences, for connection, for pleasure, for deep communication, for ritual etc.
I talk about the elements of this space, being warm, music, candles, maybe incense, flowers, shells, crystals, whatever it is that’s important to you.
I talk about how preparing the space, whether it’s simple or ornate, is the beginning of coming to the experience with a deeper awareness, more presence.

The Freedom of Yoni Massage

There are many different expressions of Yoni Massage that I offer and teach.

There’s Quiet Yoni, a deep, slow, gentle meditation of touch. There’s The Fire Massage, building sexual energy to a heightened state of pleasure, often an explosive orgasm. There are the different healing massages. There’s Expanded Orgasm, moving sexual energy in waves of pleasure throughout the body for a deep experience. There’s Heart Yoni, connecting heart and sexual energy.

The context of the massage allows some beautiful and powerful things to happen.

Lingam Healing, A New Practice

There is a deep practice of Lingam Healing, male healing, heart healing.
It’s a practice of presence.
It’s a slow practice, it has very little movement.
It’s a practice of time, in two ways, the time it takes each time, and the time it takes for a man to relax into it, to receive it.
And then there’s the time it takes for the person doing the practice to be present for longer. Which makes it a meditation, an unlearning, a learning, an inner journey.

We Can’t Make Love, It’s There

I was thinking about making love, and some interesting things came to awareness.

Often in workshops and discussions there’s a question that comes up, which is What’s the difference between having sex and making love.
Is it just semantics or is something there?
Something is definitely there.
I talk about sex as a goal-oriented genital activity. The goal being orgasm.
If we break this down, firstly, there’s the goal. This becomes the focus, and everything we do is about reaching the goal, making it happen, for you, for me, for both of us. When this is our focus we move into a space of performance, of pressure. We’re not present in our bodies, in our feelings, in sensation. We’re in whatever thoughts, fantasies, we need to get there, wherever there is, which is not here.
In this we’re actually having sex for the end, for the ending.

The Place of Pleasure

For many of us pleasure is way down the list of what’s important.
And I’m not talking about sex and orgasm.
I’m talking about pleasure, the energy that vibrates in every cell in our bodies. The energy of life-force. The energy of creativity. The energy of Divine life. The energy of intimacy with ourselves. The energy of love.
Conscious pleasure.
An expanded state of being.
An open heart.
In the body, deep in the body.
Pulsating with desire.
For life.

Sex is easy, orgasms for many of us, easy.
Pleasure is something else.

The Body of Possibility

In a few weeks, less than 2 in fact, I’m teaching a series of workshops in Ireland that we’ve called The Body of Possibility.
And that’s what they’re about, the possibility that’s in our bodies.

Possibilities for healing, for connection, for intimacy, for sensation, for feeling, for growth, for learning, for experience, for knowing, for presence, for awareness.
And for love.
In the body.

There’s a line in Tantric text that says First the learning is in the body, then the eyes, then the words.

Worship the Pearl

Last week was Coffee and Cunnilingus Day, which came about in response to Steak and Blow-Job Day, which came about in response to Valentine’s Day.
Makes me wonder what’s next.

I write a Coffee Blog, shorter pieces, often very personal. I wrote one for this, Coffee, Hot Cross Buns and Cunnilingus, which had a fabulous response, and led to some beautiful, interesting conversations, some with deep pain and the possibility of healing.

From this my mind wandered over many aspects of this beautiful, delicious, intimate, arousing, worshipful experience.
And from this I’d like to share some aspects of this with you.

Don’t Forget to Play

I had some deep and serious stuff to share with you today, and then I had a conversation with someone yesterday that changed it.
Here’s what it brought to mind.

We take sex seriously, and in the world’s of Neo-Tantra and Conscious Sexuality we take it seriously.
We have to breathe in the right way, we have to be in the right positions, we have to make the right noises, we have to move the energy, we have to have many orgasms, or none.
We have to do it right.

Hello Tantra Massage

For so long I’ve stayed away from the term Tantric Massage.
Mostly because of the sexual connotation that so many people bring to it.
I get so many requests from people who want to learn Tantric Massage. And my first question to them is What do you think it is? And almost all of them talk about something connected to Yoni/Lingam/Genital/Orgasm.
And that’s the connection most people have with the massage.

There is more.
So Much More!

The Presence of Being a Good Lover

There’s a lot of stuff around at the moment about being a good lover.
And lots of people, men and women, want to learn how to be a good lover.
And there are so many courses offering so many sexual skills.
And a lot of them have valuable information for us. Learning about our bodies, our partner’s bodies, anatomy is important.
Learning about where the pleasure spots are is important.
Learning about how to touch, lick, kiss, suck and more is important.
Learning how to breathe is important.
Learning how to communicate is important.

The Conscious Erotic

There is a moment, a Divine Erotic Moment.
A Conscious Erotic Moment.

It could be with my face in your neck, breathing your scent in, feeling the soft warmth of the curve there.
It could be with my hand wrapped in your hair, pulling your head back, opening your throat to my mouth.
It could be the rope you’re trailing over my body and the exquisite sensation of aliveness on my skin.
It could be with my teeth in the flesh of your shoulder, the fire in my body, in my mouth.
It could be my mouth close to your ear, and the words I whisper.
It could be our eyes, what we see in the moment of gazing, what we see as we travel the curves of our bodies.
It could be the silence of a moment.

Connecting, Man to Man

There is a sensuality of men, between men, that few of us get to experience.
It is rich in gifts, deep, vast.
Gifts of support, of connection, of intimacy.
Gifts of the body, gifts of the heart.

One of the events I offer is an experience I created called Water Flow Massage.
It happens in an indoor heated pool where the water encompasses us like a womb of safety, sensation and feeling.
It’s a touch experience, with a lot of holding, gentle movement, and stillness.
It’s designed to be deeply relaxing, connected, intimate, soft and opening.
Some of the practices you do on your own, some with a partner, and some in a group.

Deep Erotic Experience

There are moments of Erotic experience, moments of deep pleasure, moments of sexual energy, moments of intimacy, moments of the heart, moments of the body, that have no words.
They’re sacred moments, moments of an open heart.
Moments that show how vast the space of the heart is.
Moments that arise from deep within us.
Moments of eyes, of breath, of touch.

Deep moments.
That are changing the way I work, and the experiences I share, and will soon start teaching.

Arousal from the Throat

For a long time I’ve been working with the connection between our genitals and throat. For many of us this begins as healing, releasing, opening.
We hold so much there, so many unsaid things, so much tension, contraction.
So many times we didn’t ask for what we want, not only in sex but in all of life. So many times we held ourselves back from saying what we needed to. So many times we were taught not to express certain emotions. So many times we didn’t have the courage to use our voice. So many times there was fear around speaking our truth. So many times we said yes when we meant no, no when we meant yes.
So many times all of that was me.

The Relationship of Heart and Sex

‘I wanted to share this with you. As I woke up this morning with the sun on my bed, I could feel the energy moving in my body. I know it so well but it’s often so intense that I’m a bit afraid of it and try to contain it. Today as I felt it moving I decided to meet it with curiosity. I put my hands on my heart and my yoni, I breathed into my heart and I asked it “where do you want to go and what do you want to do?” as I met it with that gentle, open curiosity it moved from an intense flow of energy up and down my body, spreading itself outwards throughout my whole body until my finger tips tingled. It flowed outwards in waves of delicious pleasure, gently inhabiting my whole body and expanding my yoni so that it felt as if my yoni was meeting my heart for the very first time. I’m lying here with the sun caressing my skin in a place of pure pleasure and lightness.’

Presence in Deep Yoni Massage

There is something fascinating that happens in Deep Yoni Massage.
And I’m using the word deep in a few different ways here.
And all of them are about presence, connection, intimacy, awareness, the heart.
Which is the journey of the guide, an inner journey. I’m using the word guide instead of giver, doer, because you’re simply guiding the energy, guiding her body.. Everything is within her, and in this experience, there’s a conversation, a deep conversation beyond words.
It’s a conversation of the body, of sensation, of awareness.
It’s a deeply intimate conversation, in your body talking to my hands, and me sensing that. No thought. Sensing, feeling, being.
As soon as it’s a thought, the feeling is lost, and then it becomes an experience of what should I do, how should I move, am I doing it right, who am I doing it for, how much can I turn you on.
It becomes about my thoughts, rather than what’s there in the touch, there in your body, and in mind.

Relax, It’s Important

There is something so important for both healing and pleasure that we tend to overlook.
Maybe because it’s so simple, and in its simplicity we forget about the power it has.
To relax.

We tend to live, and love, and experience pleasure, in a state of tension, of tightness.
For most of us, that’s become the default state of our bodies, minds, hearts and energy.
Simply due to life.

Here’s what happens, and in this we begin to understand a lot about releasing, about letting go, about softening, and the impact this has on our pleasure.

The Receiving Man

A while ago I wrote a piece called What She’d Like You to Know.
It sparked some deep and intimate sharing and discussion, about pleasure, about relationships and about communication.
It also led to some beautiful exploration of what we want, for men and women.
And from this something emerged that has such power in a few ways.

The Receiving Man.
For many men sex, and touch, has an element of control.
As a man I can receive for a while, and then I go into the mode of touching you, making something happen, moving towards penetration, or making you come, taking control in some way, initiating in some way.

The Possibilities of Sexual Energy

As much as we might read about sexual energy, as much as we might read about the healing possibilities, the pleasure possibilities, the creative possibilities, the vitality, the life-force, the intimate possibilities, the spiritual possibilities, it’s only in the experience that these become realised, embodied, felt, known.
In the body we explore, we discover.
In the body we drop through the layers from intensity to subtlety.
In the body, in the energy channels, we feel, we sense.
In the body we expand.
In the body we become present.
In the body we become aware.
In the body we become still, quiet.
In the body we feel.

The Deep Yoni Pause

There is something so important in Yoni Massage, both for healing and pleasure.
Pause in your touch.
Pause in your caress.
Rest your hand, your fingers.

Energy moves in the pause.
Release is in the pause.
Letting go is in the pause.
Relaxation is in the pause.