Tag: pleasure

THE INNER AND OUTER JOURNEY OF SE*UAL EXPLORATION

For all the years of doing this work in Conscious Sexuality, there’s been something coming up from the beginning.
It’s always been there, and a lot at the moment.
‘I, or we, would like to explore our sexuality.’

BEING PRESENT IN PLEASURE MIGHT NOT BE WHAT YOU THINK

We talk about this a lot, being present in pleasure.
Being present in sex.
Definitely, absolutely, so important.
We talk about breathing to be present, how to touch in a way, that giving and receiving, we’re present. We talk about coming into presence with eye-gazing, Yab-Yum, dancing.

EXPANDING THE DIMENSIONS OF FOREPLAY

I was thinking about foreplay.
I was thinking about how compartmentalized and, in a way, one-dimensional, so many of us experience that.
I was thinking about how limited the way we express this, in how little we use our bodies and our senses.

THE NUMBING IMPACT OF PATTERNED SEX

When I began this journey of teaching, facilitating, and for want of a better word for now, healing, a framework emerged that I use to this day.
One of the cornerstones of it is patterns.
Patterns of the mind, patterns of the body.

THE CONVERSATION OF TOUCH, PT 2: LISTENING

I shared a piece a few weeks back called The Conversation of Touch. It’s about the inner space of touch, some of it anyway, the intention in touch.
This is a deep exploration, the inner expression of touch, and with honesty, it’s an incredibly revealing enquiry. It shows us a great deal of why we touch, what we’re looking for, what we’re expressing, what we’re actually doing, in touch.

POLITENESS IS IN THE WAY OF PLEASURE

What I can share with you, in a world that’s just looking for quick fix, for easy answers, and 1, 2, 3 steps, is the road less traveled.
A road that’s been traveled in many different ways, by explorers and adventurers, with their own feet. Their own bodies, their own hearts. Not just theories and formulas they’ve learned.

THE PLEASURE POSSIBILITIES OF THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED 

What I can share with you, in a world that’s just looking for quick fix, for easy answers, and 1, 2, 3 steps, is the road less traveled.
A road that’s been traveled in many different ways, by explorers and adventurers, with their own feet. Their own bodies, their own hearts. Not just theories and formulas they’ve learned.

IF YOU WANT TO BE F** GOOD AT F**

If you want to be F******* good at F******,
there are a few important things.

To be F****** good at F******* you can’t be lazy. You can’t flop on top, make a few half-hearted thrusts, have a groan of an ejaculation, roll off and reach for your phone, or fall asleep.

THE 4-LETTER WORD THAT CHANGES OUR PLEASURE

There is a 4-letter word that in today’s world is revolutionary when it comes to sex and pleasure.
The extension of that is it’s pretty revolutionary in life.
Slow.
That’s it, slow.
Slow TFD, literally.

THE UNIVERSE OF THE YONIVERSE

There’s a word that’s in the New Age, Neo-Tantra, Sort-of-Spiritual lexicon., until this morning, and something changed.
Yoniverse.

THE DANCE OF LIFE,OF LOVE

I came out of a meditation today by slowly, so slowly, opening my eyes.
It probably took about 2 minutes to open my eyes fully.
As they were open I became aware of the play, the dance, of light and dark.
How the light and the dark are not separate, they’re not different.

THE SMALL THINGS ARE REALLY THE BIG THINGS

One of the most powerful relationship learnings is how the small things are actually the big things.
And how the small things, with awareness, with consistency, become deep expressions of intimacy.

THE DELICIOUS POWER OF THE AFTERGLOW

What happens afterwards might be more important than what happens before.

We spend a fair amount of time talking about the importance of foreplay, and if you’re lucky, as a woman, a fair amount of time in foreplay.
I teach a workshop called Conscious Connection and Intimacy, which is even before the foreplay, and is a really important part of our pleasure and sexual experiences.

THE SUBTLE POWER OF TAOIST SEXUAL ENERGY MASSAGE

The very first thing I started teaching was Taoist Sexual Energy Massage.
I didn’t know much then, about 30 years ago, and it was taught in quite a sexual context.
I’d never received or experienced the massage, so I only saw what it did.
Then I taught it to a partner, who did it for me.

OUR (UNNATURAL), AND ACCEPTED GENITAL JUDGEMENT

So many of us, with not many exceptions, hold a Genital Judgement.
Against ourselves, and others, partners, lovers.
It’s not ours, not naturally.
It was given to us, by so many industries.

A SE**ALITY THAT’S ALIVE AND PULSATING

Here’s an outrageous suggestion, What if Tantra wasn’t about having more sex, better sex?
Firstly, it’s not outrageous, but we love these deeply emotive words.
And what happens if there’s something in that, that having more, better sex, is actually a by-product?

FROM NEED TO CHOICE FOR MEN

There are some things that I let go of a long time ago that changed my sexuality and pleasure.
It impacted on my relationships, with my sexuality, my body, my lovers

The Importance And Possibility Of Cliteracy

Cliteracy is being clitorally literate, whether it’s yours, or someone else’s, that you have the honour of touching, caressing, stroking, licking…
Cliteracy is knowing the full anatomy of this beautiful organ, which has only quite recently been fully mapped, and continues to be discovered.

THE POWER OF QUIET DEPTH IN SEXUAL HEALING

I’d like to share something that might not be very popular, as it goes against what so much of the web is showing, but it might have a little bit of truth in it.
And it might help some of us feel that we’re OK, that our experience is OK, where we are is OK, and that we can relax a little.
Because a lot of sexuality work, a lot of spiritual work actually has come to have a lot of pressure, expectation and performance attached to it.

I’M JONTI, YOU MUST BE MY PLEASURE BEING

There is a part of us that most of us have never been properly or fully introduced to.
My friend Galen Fous calls it our Sex Creature, I call it our Pleasure Being.
Without this introduction, and the relationship that comes from it, it’s hard to have a full, deep, open and expansive pleasure life.

THE EARTH, WATER AND FIRE OF LINGAM MASSAGE

We’ve been talking a lot about Yoni Massage, today we’re talking about Lingam Massage.
When I teach this, essentially I teach the practical part of the massage in 3 parts, Earth, Water and Fire.
Which, BTW, is one of the ways that energy moves in the body.

THE YONI MASSAGE OF SPACE, SPIRAL
AND SURRENDER

Earlier this week we were talking about Yoni Massage, what it may or not be.
There’s a really interesting model for this, which actually goes much deeper, into how we view, and do, sex and pleasure.
It’s also one of the ways we can understand how differently men and women view pleasure.

IN THE BEGINNING, YONI MASSAGE

I’d like to share a part of my story with you.
This happened a long time ago.
I’d been doing this work for a little while and a couple contacted me about learning something, I think Expanded Orgasm.
We spent a wonderful evening in a hotel room, sharing, talking.

THE FEELING MEDICINE OF INTIMACY

I was watching a series on the weekend, Landman S2.
In one of the episodes there’s a scene that’s so close to one of the processes we do in Water Flow Massage.
This is a touch experience, it’s in an indoor, heated pool, soft lighting, gentle music.

THE MOVEMENT (OF PLEASURE) IS IN THE STILLNESS

There are so many levels of pleasure, of sensation, and of sexual experience.
Most of us sadly stay in the shallows, on the surface.
Not as a judgement, simply what we do, for so many reasons.
It’s easier, takes less effort, we don’t have to put in as much energy, we don’t have to learn, porn, movies, social media, religion, all keep us in the shallows.

THE TECHNIQUE OF TECHNIQUES PT 1

Many of us want to be good lovers, great lovers, extraordinary lovers.
We want to give our partners the most amazing pleasure experiences we can.
And that is just fantastic, because so many people do have bad, boring, unfulfilled sex.

THE PLEASURE OF THE WHOLE BODY

A while ago I facilitated an experience of sensual exploration and self-pleasuring.
Let me set the scene for you.
Everyone was blindfolded, allowing us to go inside of ourselves, where the touch, the sensation, the feeling was the focus.

THE INTENTION OF THE PENETRATION

Touch is a language that goes inside of us, deeper than words, to a place of knowing, that often can’t be expressed in words.
Touch is feelings, energy.
Touch is the language of the heart, the spirit.
Touch is the language of the wisdom of the body.

TOUCH IS THE WISDOM OF THE BODY

Touch is a language that goes inside of us, deeper than words, to a place of knowing, that often can’t be expressed in words.
Touch is feelings, energy.
Touch is the language of the heart, the spirit.
Touch is the language of the wisdom of the body.

THIS WHOLE BEAUTIFUL BODY

We sometimes forget how amazing, how beautiful, how mysterious, how wonder-full the whole of the body is.
This body of ours, from the tip of our fingers to our toes to the top of our heads is an endless word to discover, explore and experience.

WHAT MAKES A CONSCIOUS SEXUAL EXPERIENCE?

We talk about Conscious Sexuality, and Conscious Experiences.
What makes a Conscious Sexual experience?
What makes it different from a ‘normal’ sexual experience?
And why would you want to have such an experience?

THE RITUAL OF UNDRESSING YOU

The ritual of undressing you is so simple
Taking your clothes off
And with a breath
And an expanded awareness it becomes a ritual of deep richness

THE BEAUTIFUL EYES OF ORGASM 

The eyes of orgasm are the eyes to the heart
The eyes of orgasm are the eyes to the soul.
The eyes of orgasm are the eyes of intimacy
The eyes of orgasm are the eyes of knowing.

THE OPENING PLEASURE OF THE HEART TOUCH 

I talk about The Heart Touch, touching with love, touching from the heart.

It’s something I share at pretty much every workshop.

Eye-Gazing from the heart, kissing as an expression of your heart.

Going deeper, sex with your YoniLingam connected to your heart.

Penetration of your heart, penetration with your heart.

MAKING LOVE WITH YOU, ENDLESSLY 

One of the most beautiful, one of the most powerful, one of the most intimate, one of the deepest experiences we can share, is to make love with a woman slowly, really slowly. Gently, really gently.

The Subtle Fire of Kissing a Yoni

‘Don’t go straight for the clit.’
If we learn a little about sexual, and oral pleasure, and more specifically, Kissing a Yoni, it’s one of the first pieces of advice in so many lessons and talks and tutorials.
And generally it’s a great piece of learning.

I’d like to share something with you that can change that, and it needs to be in a context.

Building the Sexual Fire

There’s a beautiful concept of The Sexual Fire.
And when we take time to build the fire it can become an inferno, of sensation, of feeling, energy and passion.
And that’s the key.
Taking the time, particularly for women, to grow the fire.

And here’s something interesting, a different take on the way we start the fire.
Start it hot.

Your Yoni, Your Lingam Deserve More

Your Yoni or your Lingam deserve more.
They deserve more than simply being rubbed, by ourselves, mostly hard and fast to the orgasm of release.
Your Yoni/Lingam deserve more than simply penetrating, being penetrated, to the friction, to the orgasm of release.

Cervical Sex, Cervical Orgasms

I’d like to share something with you about Cervical Sex and Cervical Orgasms.

It’s a different realm of sex, of pleasure, of energy.
It’s a heart experience, a body experience, an energy experience.
It’s a vibration, a pulsation, that can be subtle and can be strong.
It’s deep, deep in the body, deep in the Yoni, as deep as you can go.
And it’s emotionally deep, energetically deep.

Yoni Massage for Healing and Pleasure

I have been practicing and teaching Yoni Massage for over 20 years, for healing, for pleasure, as an energy experience, a body experience, a heart experience and a spiritual experience.
Sometimes, more times than not, these all merge together in one experience.
They’re not separate, as we often think.
One leads to another, opens the door for another, has the seed of another within us.

Worthiness of Being Alive

So much of my work is with people, one-on-one.
I love this space as so much learning happens, for me.
And one of the things I value about it as when issues come up they often come in waves, similar things that people are looking at, which allows for an exploration, a discovery, a journey into the topic from different perspectives.

One of the things that’s come up a lot recently, it’s not new, and has touched so many of us over time, is deservability, worthiness.

The Pleasure Continuum

A few days ago my lover asked me a beautiful question, Do you want to continue making love?
Our lovemaking had started hours ago, there were orgasms, and in between we’d been out, we’d done some shopping, we’d done some work.
And here was this delicious question.
To continue.

The Power and Pleasure in our Eyes

It’s been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul.
They may be that, and they’re also the windows to so much more.

Eye Gazing has become almost an obligatory practice on most sensuality, sexuality and intimacy workshops.
We can approach it as a ‘Here we go again, let’s do this so we get to the good stuff, the juicy stuff’, or it can be a world in itself.
And it has so much for us, and in our lives, in our relationships and in pleasure.
And at the end of this piece I’m going to share with you how this can deepen and expand a sexual experience into amazing intimacy and energy.

To Kiss Simply for the Kiss

Last night at Biodanza my friend Christos said something which resonated deeply me with regards to sex, to sensuality, to pleasure, and of course, to life.
Why of course to life?
Because these things are all the same, they’re not separate from life, they are life.
And I’m going to come back to this.

Here’s what he said, and I’m paraphrasing slightly.
The dance is the purpose.
So often in life we do things for other things.
We meditate for other things, to be calmer, to feel more connected, whatever it is that we get from it.
We exercise for other things.
So much is in preparation for something else.

There Are Ways of Touching

When you sit before another
And look into their eyes
When you breathe into your heart
And feel the love that dwells there
When you touch another with that love
With wonder, with curiosity
With a sense of the sacred
You’re in the presence of the Divine

How Do I Know I Love You

She asked me how I knew I loved her.
Which, if you explore Consciousness, even a little, becomes a fascinating question.
In fact, many questions.
Who is the I in the question, and what do we actually really know, beyond our perception?

I thought for a moment, I felt for a moment.
I looked into her eyes and said, I don’t.
I don’t know.
Here’s what I do know.