Tag: #makinglove

THE INNER AND OUTER JOURNEY OF SE*UAL EXPLORATION

For all the years of doing this work in Conscious Sexuality, there’s been something coming up from the beginning.
It’s always been there, and a lot at the moment.
‘I, or we, would like to explore our sexuality.’

BEING PRESENT IN PLEASURE MIGHT NOT BE WHAT YOU THINK

We talk about this a lot, being present in pleasure.
Being present in sex.
Definitely, absolutely, so important.
We talk about breathing to be present, how to touch in a way, that giving and receiving, we’re present. We talk about coming into presence with eye-gazing, Yab-Yum, dancing.

EXPANDING THE DIMENSIONS OF FOREPLAY

I was thinking about foreplay.
I was thinking about how compartmentalized and, in a way, one-dimensional, so many of us experience that.
I was thinking about how limited the way we express this, in how little we use our bodies and our senses.

THE NUMBING IMPACT OF PATTERNED SEX

When I began this journey of teaching, facilitating, and for want of a better word for now, healing, a framework emerged that I use to this day.
One of the cornerstones of it is patterns.
Patterns of the mind, patterns of the body.

THE CONVERSATION OF TOUCH, PT 2: LISTENING

I shared a piece a few weeks back called The Conversation of Touch. It’s about the inner space of touch, some of it anyway, the intention in touch.
This is a deep exploration, the inner expression of touch, and with honesty, it’s an incredibly revealing enquiry. It shows us a great deal of why we touch, what we’re looking for, what we’re expressing, what we’re actually doing, in touch.

POLITENESS IS IN THE WAY OF PLEASURE

What I can share with you, in a world that’s just looking for quick fix, for easy answers, and 1, 2, 3 steps, is the road less traveled.
A road that’s been traveled in many different ways, by explorers and adventurers, with their own feet. Their own bodies, their own hearts. Not just theories and formulas they’ve learned.

THE PLEASURE POSSIBILITIES OF THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED 

What I can share with you, in a world that’s just looking for quick fix, for easy answers, and 1, 2, 3 steps, is the road less traveled.
A road that’s been traveled in many different ways, by explorers and adventurers, with their own feet. Their own bodies, their own hearts. Not just theories and formulas they’ve learned.

IF YOU WANT TO BE F** GOOD AT F**

If you want to be F******* good at F******,
there are a few important things.

To be F****** good at F******* you can’t be lazy. You can’t flop on top, make a few half-hearted thrusts, have a groan of an ejaculation, roll off and reach for your phone, or fall asleep.

THE 4-LETTER WORD THAT CHANGES OUR PLEASURE

There is a 4-letter word that in today’s world is revolutionary when it comes to sex and pleasure.
The extension of that is it’s pretty revolutionary in life.
Slow.
That’s it, slow.
Slow TFD, literally.

THE UNIVERSE OF THE YONIVERSE

There’s a word that’s in the New Age, Neo-Tantra, Sort-of-Spiritual lexicon., until this morning, and something changed.
Yoniverse.

THE DANCE OF LIFE,OF LOVE

I came out of a meditation today by slowly, so slowly, opening my eyes.
It probably took about 2 minutes to open my eyes fully.
As they were open I became aware of the play, the dance, of light and dark.
How the light and the dark are not separate, they’re not different.

THE SMALL THINGS ARE REALLY THE BIG THINGS

One of the most powerful relationship learnings is how the small things are actually the big things.
And how the small things, with awareness, with consistency, become deep expressions of intimacy.

THE DELICIOUS POWER OF THE AFTERGLOW

What happens afterwards might be more important than what happens before.

We spend a fair amount of time talking about the importance of foreplay, and if you’re lucky, as a woman, a fair amount of time in foreplay.
I teach a workshop called Conscious Connection and Intimacy, which is even before the foreplay, and is a really important part of our pleasure and sexual experiences.

THE SUBTLE POWER OF TAOIST SEXUAL ENERGY MASSAGE

The very first thing I started teaching was Taoist Sexual Energy Massage.
I didn’t know much then, about 30 years ago, and it was taught in quite a sexual context.
I’d never received or experienced the massage, so I only saw what it did.
Then I taught it to a partner, who did it for me.

OUR (UNNATURAL), AND ACCEPTED GENITAL JUDGEMENT

So many of us, with not many exceptions, hold a Genital Judgement.
Against ourselves, and others, partners, lovers.
It’s not ours, not naturally.
It was given to us, by so many industries.

A SE**ALITY THAT’S ALIVE AND PULSATING

Here’s an outrageous suggestion, What if Tantra wasn’t about having more sex, better sex?
Firstly, it’s not outrageous, but we love these deeply emotive words.
And what happens if there’s something in that, that having more, better sex, is actually a by-product?

FROM NEED TO CHOICE FOR MEN

There are some things that I let go of a long time ago that changed my sexuality and pleasure.
It impacted on my relationships, with my sexuality, my body, my lovers

The Importance And Possibility Of Cliteracy

Cliteracy is being clitorally literate, whether it’s yours, or someone else’s, that you have the honour of touching, caressing, stroking, licking…
Cliteracy is knowing the full anatomy of this beautiful organ, which has only quite recently been fully mapped, and continues to be discovered.

THE POWER OF QUIET DEPTH IN SEXUAL HEALING

I’d like to share something that might not be very popular, as it goes against what so much of the web is showing, but it might have a little bit of truth in it.
And it might help some of us feel that we’re OK, that our experience is OK, where we are is OK, and that we can relax a little.
Because a lot of sexuality work, a lot of spiritual work actually has come to have a lot of pressure, expectation and performance attached to it.

I’M JONTI, YOU MUST BE MY PLEASURE BEING

There is a part of us that most of us have never been properly or fully introduced to.
My friend Galen Fous calls it our Sex Creature, I call it our Pleasure Being.
Without this introduction, and the relationship that comes from it, it’s hard to have a full, deep, open and expansive pleasure life.

THE EARTH, WATER AND FIRE OF LINGAM MASSAGE

We’ve been talking a lot about Yoni Massage, today we’re talking about Lingam Massage.
When I teach this, essentially I teach the practical part of the massage in 3 parts, Earth, Water and Fire.
Which, BTW, is one of the ways that energy moves in the body.

THE YONI MASSAGE OF SPACE, SPIRAL
AND SURRENDER

Earlier this week we were talking about Yoni Massage, what it may or not be.
There’s a really interesting model for this, which actually goes much deeper, into how we view, and do, sex and pleasure.
It’s also one of the ways we can understand how differently men and women view pleasure.

IN THE BEGINNING, YONI MASSAGE

I’d like to share a part of my story with you.
This happened a long time ago.
I’d been doing this work for a little while and a couple contacted me about learning something, I think Expanded Orgasm.
We spent a wonderful evening in a hotel room, sharing, talking.

THE FEELING MEDICINE OF INTIMACY

I was watching a series on the weekend, Landman S2.
In one of the episodes there’s a scene that’s so close to one of the processes we do in Water Flow Massage.
This is a touch experience, it’s in an indoor, heated pool, soft lighting, gentle music.

THE MOVEMENT (OF PLEASURE) IS IN THE STILLNESS

There are so many levels of pleasure, of sensation, and of sexual experience.
Most of us sadly stay in the shallows, on the surface.
Not as a judgement, simply what we do, for so many reasons.
It’s easier, takes less effort, we don’t have to put in as much energy, we don’t have to learn, porn, movies, social media, religion, all keep us in the shallows.

THE TECHNIQUE OF TECHNIQUES PT 1

Many of us want to be good lovers, great lovers, extraordinary lovers.
We want to give our partners the most amazing pleasure experiences we can.
And that is just fantastic, because so many people do have bad, boring, unfulfilled sex.

THE PLEASURE OF THE WHOLE BODY

A while ago I facilitated an experience of sensual exploration and self-pleasuring.
Let me set the scene for you.
Everyone was blindfolded, allowing us to go inside of ourselves, where the touch, the sensation, the feeling was the focus.

THE INTENTION OF THE PENETRATION

Touch is a language that goes inside of us, deeper than words, to a place of knowing, that often can’t be expressed in words.
Touch is feelings, energy.
Touch is the language of the heart, the spirit.
Touch is the language of the wisdom of the body.

TOUCH IS THE WISDOM OF THE BODY

Touch is a language that goes inside of us, deeper than words, to a place of knowing, that often can’t be expressed in words.
Touch is feelings, energy.
Touch is the language of the heart, the spirit.
Touch is the language of the wisdom of the body.

THIS WHOLE BEAUTIFUL BODY

We sometimes forget how amazing, how beautiful, how mysterious, how wonder-full the whole of the body is.
This body of ours, from the tip of our fingers to our toes to the top of our heads is an endless word to discover, explore and experience.

Soft Sex

So often when we hear the term soft sex we think about a soft Lingam.
That can be such a beautiful experience and has some amazing possibilities.
I’d like to share something different with you about soft sex.

It’s a softening, a softening into your body, your heart, your genitals, into your partner, into the moment, into the energy.

There’s a tenderness here.
I love that word.
It’s an opening, a surrender.
There’s an honoring in tenderness, in the way we look at each other, the way we touch, the way we hold each other.
There’s care in tenderness.

Divine Desire

I started writing a piece on the shame of desire.
This came up a lot in the past week with my students and clients. How we’ve been made to feel shame for the desires we have, what it means, who we are when we have these experiences. So much of this has been the ‘wrongness’ of what arouses us. So much of this has been the story of what we should be, how we should be, and how our sexuality should be expressed. According to someone else’s idea, expectation and story.
That’s important here, the story we tell ourselves, have been told.

The (Yoni) Freedom to Feel

The freedom to feel is the freedom to experience, feeling, sensation, energy, emotion.
It’s the freedom to experience the moment, in the fullness of all that it has to offer.

To feel this requires us to relinquish many things.
It requires us to let go of the patterning around pleasure which is linked to performance and the pressure this creates.
It requires us to let go of achievement.
It requires us to let go of getting it right, making it happen.
It even requires us to let go of orgasm.

Meet Yourself in Pleasure

In pleasure we meet ourselves.
In deep, conscious pleasure we meet some of the deepest parts of who we are.

My teaching journey began teaching about pleasure, particularly women’s pleasure.
This included offering touch, massage and pleasure experiences. These were experiences of deep pleasure, service, intimacy, fun, learning, discovery, emotion, exploration, healing, growth, spirit, connection, release and more.
Over time this journey expanded into working and sharing as deeply with men.
Pleasure.
And over time I’ve come to see, in so many ways, the power and possibility of pleasure.
In this I have learned, developed and created, and continue to do, so many pleasure experiences.

The Intimacy of Being

Intimacy is a state of being.
It’s who we are.
It’s within us.

Looking for intimacy, which is what so many of us are, especially now.
Looking for intimacy is looking for ourselves.
It’s a journey of connecting, re-connecting, rediscovering, a deep part of who we are.

Erotic Humility

This first came to me in the context of Yoni, and Lingam Massage.
As I sat with it, exploring it, I became aware of how it extends to all erotic and pleasure experiences.

Erotic Humility.

For me the Erotic is the body and the heart. They’re inseparable.
It’s the space where energy expresses itself in sensuality and pleasure.
Not only the sensuality connected to sensuality but the fullness of life, being in a body, in the world.
It’s the space of feeling, of sensation, intuition, inspiration.

Healing Within Ourselves, Or Maybe I Don’t Need to be Fixed

I’ve been working in the field of Conscious Sexuality for a long time, teaching and doing one-on-one.
I love the journeys I share because of the depth we go to. That’s really what interests me, the depth, the learning, the understanding, the growth that comes from that.
And the healing.
And that’s what I’d like to share with you, a perspective in healing.

My Relationship With My Yoni

On the wall in my bedroom is a picture of a Lingam, and a stylised Yoni. They were made for me by a lover.
I can’t share the Lingam image with you, it’s been deemed too sexual for some sites, the image with this piece is the Yoni.

A lot of people come to see me, online as well as in person, because relationships have ended or are in trouble.
We talk a lot about the patterns we live with, it’s a cornerstone of my work.
What we come to realize is that these relationships are often, mostly, an expression of the patterns within us.
And a big part of this is the relationship we have with ourselves, with our bodies, hearts and genitals.

Yoni Kiss

I offer you my mouth
That you may experience your pleasure
I offer you my lips, my tongue, my teeth
That you may experience your Yoni
In sensation, in feeling, in energy, in delight, in celebration
I offer you my mouth
That you may experience the nectar of this secret flower of passion
I offer you my mouth
To honour this ocean flesh, this pearl
I offer you my mouth to bring all of these hidden folds of delicate skin to bloom
I offer you my mouth
That you may experience your fire, your gentle, your subtle, your endless pleasure.

A SENSUAL, INTIMATE THREESOME OF TOUCH

A while ago I had a 3-way touch experience that was so beautiful, so sensual, so intimate.
It was deeply arousing, with no penetration, no orgasm.
It was just hands flowing over skin, bodies touching, moving, so many places of contact. There was such awareness of sensation, of texture, of breath.
There was the smell of arousal, which, when you open your sense of smell, subtle, so intimate, it’s on the skin of men and women. And it’s appropriate to say that this group was two men and a woman.
It went on and on, caress, stroking, feeling.

Sexually Bored, You Must Be Asleep!

Recently a few people, both couples and single people have come to see me because they’re sexually bored.

I’ve been teaching in the field of Conscious Sexuality for over 20 years, and this is a pretty common thing. In fact in long-term relationships it’s one of the biggest sexual issues that people encounter. And sometimes it doesn’t have to be experienced in a long relationship.
Often we’re bored with our own sexuality, which has nothing to do with our partner’s, it’s fully about us. I’m going to come back to that a little later on.

Recently something landed for me about being sexually bored.
If you are, bored with your sexuality, with the experiences that you’re having you’re either asleep, unconscious, disconnected, so stuck in a pattern, so goal-oriented, so in expectation, so deep in a pattern.
How else can you be sexually bored?

In this there’s something I’ve come to see the importance of.
We need to heal in context.
In the context of our bodies, our hearts, our minds, our lives.
Sex, and our genitals, Yoni and Lingam, are not separate from the rest of us. Our sexuality happens in our lives. And so much of what happens, what plays out in our sexuality, often doesn’t have a lot to do with sex. That’s just the place where something is expressing itself.

YoniLIngam in the Body

Much of my work is in the world of sexual healing. At least that’s where many journeys start, then they become more about learning, growing, exploring, expanding. These journeys also become more about life, all aspects of life.

In this there’s something I’ve come to see the importance of.
We need to heal in context.
In the context of our bodies, our hearts, our minds, our lives.
Sex, and our genitals, Yoni and Lingam, are not separate from the rest of us. Our sexuality happens in our lives. And so much of what happens, what plays out in our sexuality, often doesn’t have a lot to do with sex. That’s just the place where something is expressing itself.

For Whom do we Heal?

Yesterday I shared a post that I wrote a while ago, called What’s Become of Us.
It’s on my page if you’d like to read it.
It was prompted by a few things. Many women sitting with me and talking about how difficult it is to talk to their male partners about sexual and relationship issues, how they think they have to do it carefully so as not to upset them, how delicately they have to handle it.

There were some great discussions, comments and questions that prompted these thoughts.

We have to heal for ourselves.
We have to grow, to expand, release, for ourselves.
We can’t do it for another.
We can’t do it for a relationship.
We have to do it for ourselves.

What Else is There?

The past weeks have been difficult for me.
I’ve felt a little lost, alone, down. I’m usually quite focused, I’ve been scattered.
I’ve been thinking about where I’m going in a way that’s not directed or clear.
I’ve been procrastinatory.
My energy has been up and down.
Writing has been really hard, not flowing.
I’ve cancelled some workshops, they haven’t felt right.
I’ve been sad.

And something so interesting has emerged.
I’ve spoken about it a little with people I’m working with on healing and growth journeys.
It’s about what else there is, what else there is in the space, in the moment, in the experience.

My Genital Relationship

Much of my work is, or begins with sexuality, the relationship we have with our sexuality is, of course, a large part of this. This relationship forms the framework of the journey, it gives it a context, a place to live in.
And more and more I see the importance of the context.

Our sexuality is not in a vacuum, as many of us express it that way. Our sexuality is not in a little box that we bring out in very specific circumstances and use, then put away again.
Our genitals are not separate for the rest of who we are: bodies, minds, hearts and energy. Everything is connected, entwined, dancing, or not, talking, or not, listening, or not, with each other.

Coffee and Rope

Last week I did a rope workshop facilitated by a friend in Australia.
It was a very non-traditional approach, that wasn’t really about tying, knots, positions etc, which is often quite technical.
This was about the energy of the rope, using the rope as a communication, as a sensual element, as part of the intention and sensuality of the experience, as an energy.
As with all things I learn I couldn’t wait to try it and personalize it, see how it worked, where it could go, what the possibilities were.
Wow!