Soft Sex

So often when we hear the term soft sex we think about a soft Lingam.
That can be such a beautiful experience and has some amazing possibilities.
I’d like to share something different with you about soft sex.

It’s a softening, a softening into your body, your heart, your genitals, into your partner, into the moment, into the energy.

There’s a tenderness here.
I love that word.
It’s an opening, a surrender.
There’s an honoring in tenderness, in the way we look at each other, the way we touch, the way we hold each other.
There’s care in tenderness.

Divine Desire

I started writing a piece on the shame of desire.
This came up a lot in the past week with my students and clients. How we’ve been made to feel shame for the desires we have, what it means, who we are when we have these experiences. So much of this has been the ‘wrongness’ of what arouses us. So much of this has been the story of what we should be, how we should be, and how our sexuality should be expressed. According to someone else’s idea, expectation and story.
That’s important here, the story we tell ourselves, have been told.

The (Yoni) Freedom to Feel

The freedom to feel is the freedom to experience, feeling, sensation, energy, emotion.
It’s the freedom to experience the moment, in the fullness of all that it has to offer.

To feel this requires us to relinquish many things.
It requires us to let go of the patterning around pleasure which is linked to performance and the pressure this creates.
It requires us to let go of achievement.
It requires us to let go of getting it right, making it happen.
It even requires us to let go of orgasm.

Meet Yourself in Pleasure

In pleasure we meet ourselves.
In deep, conscious pleasure we meet some of the deepest parts of who we are.

My teaching journey began teaching about pleasure, particularly women’s pleasure.
This included offering touch, massage and pleasure experiences. These were experiences of deep pleasure, service, intimacy, fun, learning, discovery, emotion, exploration, healing, growth, spirit, connection, release and more.
Over time this journey expanded into working and sharing as deeply with men.
And over time I’ve come to see, in so many ways, the power and possibility of pleasure.
In this I have learned, developed and created, and continue to do, so many pleasure experiences.

The Intimacy of Being

Intimacy is a state of being.
It’s who we are.
It’s within us.

Looking for intimacy, which is what so many of us are, especially now.
Looking for intimacy is looking for ourselves.
It’s a journey of connecting, re-connecting, rediscovering, a deep part of who we are.

Erotic Humility

This first came to me in the context of Yoni, and Lingam Massage.
As I sat with it, exploring it, I became aware of how it extends to all erotic and pleasure experiences.

Erotic Humility.

For me the Erotic is the body and the heart. They’re inseparable.
It’s the space where energy expresses itself in sensuality and pleasure.
Not only the sensuality connected to sensuality but the fullness of life, being in a body, in the world.
It’s the space of feeling, of sensation, intuition, inspiration.

Healing Within Ourselves, Or Maybe I Don’t Need to be Fixed

I’ve been working in the field of Conscious Sexuality for a long time, teaching and doing one-on-one.
I love the journeys I share because of the depth we go to. That’s really what interests me, the depth, the learning, the understanding, the growth that comes from that.
And the healing.
And that’s what I’d like to share with you, a perspective in healing.

My Relationship With My Yoni

On the wall in my bedroom is a picture of a Lingam, and a stylised Yoni. They were made for me by a lover.
I can’t share the Lingam image with you, it’s been deemed too sexual for some sites, the image with this piece is the Yoni.

A lot of people come to see me, online as well as in person, because relationships have ended or are in trouble.
We talk a lot about the patterns we live with, it’s a cornerstone of my work.
What we come to realize is that these relationships are often, mostly, an expression of the patterns within us.
And a big part of this is the relationship we have with ourselves, with our bodies, hearts and genitals.

Yoni Kiss

I offer you my mouth
That you may experience your pleasure
I offer you my lips, my tongue, my teeth
That you may experience your Yoni
In sensation, in feeling, in energy, in delight, in celebration
I offer you my mouth
That you may experience the nectar of this secret flower of passion
I offer you my mouth
To honour this ocean flesh, this pearl
I offer you my mouth to bring all of these hidden folds of delicate skin to bloom
I offer you my mouth
That you may experience your fire, your gentle, your subtle, your endless pleasure.

Threesome, Sensual, Intimate, Delicious

A while ago I had a 3-way touch experience that was so beautiful, so sensual, so intimate.
It was deeply arousing, with no penetration, no orgasm.
It was just hands flowing over skin, bodies touching, moving, so many places of contact. There was such awareness of sensation, of texture, of breath.
There was the smell of arousal, which, when you open your sense of smell, subtle, so intimate, it’s on the skin of men and women. And it’s appropriate to say that this group was two men and a woman.
It went on and on, caress, stroking, feeling.

Sexually Bored, You Must Be Asleep!

Recently a few people, both couples and single people have come to see me because they’re sexually bored.

I’ve been teaching in the field of Conscious Sexuality for over 20 years, and this is a pretty common thing. In fact in long-term relationships it’s one of the biggest sexual issues that people encounter. And sometimes it doesn’t have to be experienced in a long relationship.
Often we’re bored with our own sexuality, which has nothing to do with our partner’s, it’s fully about us. I’m going to come back to that a little later on.

Recently something landed for me about being sexually bored.
If you are, bored with your sexuality, with the experiences that you’re having you’re either asleep, unconscious, disconnected, so stuck in a pattern, so goal-oriented, so in expectation, so deep in a pattern.
How else can you be sexually bored?

In this there’s something I’ve come to see the importance of.
We need to heal in context.
In the context of our bodies, our hearts, our minds, our lives.
Sex, and our genitals, Yoni and Lingam, are not separate from the rest of us. Our sexuality happens in our lives. And so much of what happens, what plays out in our sexuality, often doesn’t have a lot to do with sex. That’s just the place where something is expressing itself.

YoniLIngam in the Body

Much of my work is in the world of sexual healing. At least that’s where many journeys start, then they become more about learning, growing, exploring, expanding. These journeys also become more about life, all aspects of life.

In this there’s something I’ve come to see the importance of.
We need to heal in context.
In the context of our bodies, our hearts, our minds, our lives.
Sex, and our genitals, Yoni and Lingam, are not separate from the rest of us. Our sexuality happens in our lives. And so much of what happens, what plays out in our sexuality, often doesn’t have a lot to do with sex. That’s just the place where something is expressing itself.

For Whom do we Heal?

Yesterday I shared a post that I wrote a while ago, called What’s Become of Us.
It’s on my page if you’d like to read it.
It was prompted by a few things. Many women sitting with me and talking about how difficult it is to talk to their male partners about sexual and relationship issues, how they think they have to do it carefully so as not to upset them, how delicately they have to handle it.

There were some great discussions, comments and questions that prompted these thoughts.

We have to heal for ourselves.
We have to grow, to expand, release, for ourselves.
We can’t do it for another.
We can’t do it for a relationship.
We have to do it for ourselves.

What Else is There?

The past weeks have been difficult for me.
I’ve felt a little lost, alone, down. I’m usually quite focused, I’ve been scattered.
I’ve been thinking about where I’m going in a way that’s not directed or clear.
I’ve been procrastinatory.
My energy has been up and down.
Writing has been really hard, not flowing.
I’ve cancelled some workshops, they haven’t felt right.
I’ve been sad.

And something so interesting has emerged.
I’ve spoken about it a little with people I’m working with on healing and growth journeys.
It’s about what else there is, what else there is in the space, in the moment, in the experience.

My Genital Relationship

Much of my work is, or begins with sexuality, the relationship we have with our sexuality is, of course, a large part of this. This relationship forms the framework of the journey, it gives it a context, a place to live in.
And more and more I see the importance of the context.

Our sexuality is not in a vacuum, as many of us express it that way. Our sexuality is not in a little box that we bring out in very specific circumstances and use, then put away again.
Our genitals are not separate for the rest of who we are: bodies, minds, hearts and energy. Everything is connected, entwined, dancing, or not, talking, or not, listening, or not, with each other.

Coffee and Rope

Last week I did a rope workshop facilitated by a friend in Australia.
It was a very non-traditional approach, that wasn’t really about tying, knots, positions etc, which is often quite technical.
This was about the energy of the rope, using the rope as a communication, as a sensual element, as part of the intention and sensuality of the experience, as an energy.
As with all things I learn I couldn’t wait to try it and personalize it, see how it worked, where it could go, what the possibilities were.

Self-Pleasuring, An Inner Journey

Our sexuality is a guide, a teacher, a path of personal enquiry, a way to experience energy, a way to access deep states of consciousness, a way to become incredibly intimate with ourselves, a place to become aware of many of our patterns, a way to get to know, explore and experience our bodies, our hearts.
It’s a way for us to heal, so many things, that have nothing to do with sex, as well as sex.
It’s a way to find stillness, the inner quiet that connects us to the deepest parts of ourselves.
It can take us to a meditative state.
It can give us access to creative energy and inspiration.
And it offers us pleasure, deep, limitless pleasure.

My Heart

This is my heart
And I was never taught the mineness of it

Tears of Orgasm

We talk about all the different kinds of orgasms women, and men, can experience.
Many people I, and I’m sure many other practitioners, work with, come to learn how to have these different experiences.
In all of these orgasms there is something that we don’t always mention, and it’s an important experience, for men and women.
It’s also confusing because orgasm is supposed to be about pleasure.

The Yoni and Lingam Meditation of Gazing

Yoni or Lingam Meditation of Gazing is looking with, through, the eyes of your heart.
It’s a meditation on loving, accepting, acknowledging, in the giving and in the receiving.
It’s a meditation on presence, sexual presence, heart presence, body presence.
It’s a meditation where we bring our heart into our gaze, where the vision within the vision, is one of love.
It’s a meditation where we open ourselves to receive, to be seen.

One Breath of Pleasure

There is such power, such possibility, in one breath.

In the world of pleasure we’re often looking for more.
More feeling, more sensation, more experiences, more technique, more partners, more toys…
Most of these things are external, they’re outside of us. And they’re connected to something which is one of the most limiting and contractive things we do.
We live in a society that’s constantly chasing.
Money, pleasure, things, experiences, orgasms, people, chasing.

Making Love With Life and Yoga

I talk about, teach about, Making Love with Life, and the limitless possibilities that that holds for us.
Last week I had such a direct and beautiful experience of this.

In these moments, Life, in whatever form is present, becomes your lover, and you become the lover of life.
As in deep union, deep intimacy with another, you become one. There is no separation between us. There is only love, and love is what brings us to the oneness.

The Best Time

When we’re present, when we’re in this moment, when we’re connected to ourselves, when we’re open, when we’re in a space of intimacy, with ourselves, more than anything else, this moment is the best there is.
And it’s never about comparing anything.
This moment is everything.

The Heart Touch

When I started teaching The Heart Touch the way I taught massage changed so much.

Sensual Curiosity

Curiosity is one of the most important elements of vitality. It helps keep us interested and interesting.
In a relationship it’s one of the qualities that contribute to fulfillment.

Slow Union

There’s a practice I teach called Slow Union.
Over time this practice reveals almost endless gifts to us as it releases that which prevents us going deep into pleasure and the myriad, mystical, magical gifts we find there.

Sexuality, Life, Healing

Our sexuality is in the context of our lives.

It’s not, as many people think, and the way they express it, in a little box that they take out in very specific circumstances and use it, then put it away again.

Expectations and Possibilities

How much of what we feel during sex, during touch, during pleasure is what we expect to feel?
And because we expect it to feel that way, that’s what we feel.

Making Love As A Meditation

When we go to the body we’re creating a quietness, a stillness for the mind to begin its inward journey…