Tag: #sacredsexuality

THE INNER AND OUTER JOURNEY OF SE*UAL EXPLORATION

For all the years of doing this work in Conscious Sexuality, there’s been something coming up from the beginning.
It’s always been there, and a lot at the moment.
‘I, or we, would like to explore our sexuality.’

BEING PRESENT IN PLEASURE MIGHT NOT BE WHAT YOU THINK

We talk about this a lot, being present in pleasure.
Being present in sex.
Definitely, absolutely, so important.
We talk about breathing to be present, how to touch in a way, that giving and receiving, we’re present. We talk about coming into presence with eye-gazing, Yab-Yum, dancing.

EXPANDING THE DIMENSIONS OF FOREPLAY

I was thinking about foreplay.
I was thinking about how compartmentalized and, in a way, one-dimensional, so many of us experience that.
I was thinking about how limited the way we express this, in how little we use our bodies and our senses.

THE NUMBING IMPACT OF PATTERNED SEX

When I began this journey of teaching, facilitating, and for want of a better word for now, healing, a framework emerged that I use to this day.
One of the cornerstones of it is patterns.
Patterns of the mind, patterns of the body.

THE CONVERSATION OF TOUCH, PT 2: LISTENING

I shared a piece a few weeks back called The Conversation of Touch. It’s about the inner space of touch, some of it anyway, the intention in touch.
This is a deep exploration, the inner expression of touch, and with honesty, it’s an incredibly revealing enquiry. It shows us a great deal of why we touch, what we’re looking for, what we’re expressing, what we’re actually doing, in touch.

POLITENESS IS IN THE WAY OF PLEASURE

What I can share with you, in a world that’s just looking for quick fix, for easy answers, and 1, 2, 3 steps, is the road less traveled.
A road that’s been traveled in many different ways, by explorers and adventurers, with their own feet. Their own bodies, their own hearts. Not just theories and formulas they’ve learned.

THE PLEASURE POSSIBILITIES OF THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED 

What I can share with you, in a world that’s just looking for quick fix, for easy answers, and 1, 2, 3 steps, is the road less traveled.
A road that’s been traveled in many different ways, by explorers and adventurers, with their own feet. Their own bodies, their own hearts. Not just theories and formulas they’ve learned.

IF YOU WANT TO BE F** GOOD AT F**

If you want to be F******* good at F******,
there are a few important things.

To be F****** good at F******* you can’t be lazy. You can’t flop on top, make a few half-hearted thrusts, have a groan of an ejaculation, roll off and reach for your phone, or fall asleep.

THE 4-LETTER WORD THAT CHANGES OUR PLEASURE

There is a 4-letter word that in today’s world is revolutionary when it comes to sex and pleasure.
The extension of that is it’s pretty revolutionary in life.
Slow.
That’s it, slow.
Slow TFD, literally.

THE UNIVERSE OF THE YONIVERSE

There’s a word that’s in the New Age, Neo-Tantra, Sort-of-Spiritual lexicon., until this morning, and something changed.
Yoniverse.

THE DANCE OF LIFE,OF LOVE

I came out of a meditation today by slowly, so slowly, opening my eyes.
It probably took about 2 minutes to open my eyes fully.
As they were open I became aware of the play, the dance, of light and dark.
How the light and the dark are not separate, they’re not different.

THE SMALL THINGS ARE REALLY THE BIG THINGS

One of the most powerful relationship learnings is how the small things are actually the big things.
And how the small things, with awareness, with consistency, become deep expressions of intimacy.

THE DELICIOUS POWER OF THE AFTERGLOW

What happens afterwards might be more important than what happens before.

We spend a fair amount of time talking about the importance of foreplay, and if you’re lucky, as a woman, a fair amount of time in foreplay.
I teach a workshop called Conscious Connection and Intimacy, which is even before the foreplay, and is a really important part of our pleasure and sexual experiences.

THE SUBTLE POWER OF TAOIST SEXUAL ENERGY MASSAGE

The very first thing I started teaching was Taoist Sexual Energy Massage.
I didn’t know much then, about 30 years ago, and it was taught in quite a sexual context.
I’d never received or experienced the massage, so I only saw what it did.
Then I taught it to a partner, who did it for me.

OUR (UNNATURAL), AND ACCEPTED GENITAL JUDGEMENT

So many of us, with not many exceptions, hold a Genital Judgement.
Against ourselves, and others, partners, lovers.
It’s not ours, not naturally.
It was given to us, by so many industries.

A SE**ALITY THAT’S ALIVE AND PULSATING

Here’s an outrageous suggestion, What if Tantra wasn’t about having more sex, better sex?
Firstly, it’s not outrageous, but we love these deeply emotive words.
And what happens if there’s something in that, that having more, better sex, is actually a by-product?

FROM NEED TO CHOICE FOR MEN

There are some things that I let go of a long time ago that changed my sexuality and pleasure.
It impacted on my relationships, with my sexuality, my body, my lovers

The Importance And Possibility Of Cliteracy

Cliteracy is being clitorally literate, whether it’s yours, or someone else’s, that you have the honour of touching, caressing, stroking, licking…
Cliteracy is knowing the full anatomy of this beautiful organ, which has only quite recently been fully mapped, and continues to be discovered.

THE POWER OF QUIET DEPTH IN SEXUAL HEALING

I’d like to share something that might not be very popular, as it goes against what so much of the web is showing, but it might have a little bit of truth in it.
And it might help some of us feel that we’re OK, that our experience is OK, where we are is OK, and that we can relax a little.
Because a lot of sexuality work, a lot of spiritual work actually has come to have a lot of pressure, expectation and performance attached to it.

I’M JONTI, YOU MUST BE MY PLEASURE BEING

There is a part of us that most of us have never been properly or fully introduced to.
My friend Galen Fous calls it our Sex Creature, I call it our Pleasure Being.
Without this introduction, and the relationship that comes from it, it’s hard to have a full, deep, open and expansive pleasure life.

THE EARTH, WATER AND FIRE OF LINGAM MASSAGE

We’ve been talking a lot about Yoni Massage, today we’re talking about Lingam Massage.
When I teach this, essentially I teach the practical part of the massage in 3 parts, Earth, Water and Fire.
Which, BTW, is one of the ways that energy moves in the body.

THE YONI MASSAGE OF SPACE, SPIRAL
AND SURRENDER

Earlier this week we were talking about Yoni Massage, what it may or not be.
There’s a really interesting model for this, which actually goes much deeper, into how we view, and do, sex and pleasure.
It’s also one of the ways we can understand how differently men and women view pleasure.

IN THE BEGINNING, YONI MASSAGE

I’d like to share a part of my story with you.
This happened a long time ago.
I’d been doing this work for a little while and a couple contacted me about learning something, I think Expanded Orgasm.
We spent a wonderful evening in a hotel room, sharing, talking.

THE FEELING MEDICINE OF INTIMACY

I was watching a series on the weekend, Landman S2.
In one of the episodes there’s a scene that’s so close to one of the processes we do in Water Flow Massage.
This is a touch experience, it’s in an indoor, heated pool, soft lighting, gentle music.

THE MOVEMENT (OF PLEASURE) IS IN THE STILLNESS

There are so many levels of pleasure, of sensation, and of sexual experience.
Most of us sadly stay in the shallows, on the surface.
Not as a judgement, simply what we do, for so many reasons.
It’s easier, takes less effort, we don’t have to put in as much energy, we don’t have to learn, porn, movies, social media, religion, all keep us in the shallows.

THE TECHNIQUE OF TECHNIQUES PT 1

Many of us want to be good lovers, great lovers, extraordinary lovers.
We want to give our partners the most amazing pleasure experiences we can.
And that is just fantastic, because so many people do have bad, boring, unfulfilled sex.

THE PLEASURE OF THE WHOLE BODY

A while ago I facilitated an experience of sensual exploration and self-pleasuring.
Let me set the scene for you.
Everyone was blindfolded, allowing us to go inside of ourselves, where the touch, the sensation, the feeling was the focus.

THE INTENTION OF THE PENETRATION

Touch is a language that goes inside of us, deeper than words, to a place of knowing, that often can’t be expressed in words.
Touch is feelings, energy.
Touch is the language of the heart, the spirit.
Touch is the language of the wisdom of the body.

TOUCH IS THE WISDOM OF THE BODY

Touch is a language that goes inside of us, deeper than words, to a place of knowing, that often can’t be expressed in words.
Touch is feelings, energy.
Touch is the language of the heart, the spirit.
Touch is the language of the wisdom of the body.

THIS WHOLE BEAUTIFUL BODY

We sometimes forget how amazing, how beautiful, how mysterious, how wonder-full the whole of the body is.
This body of ours, from the tip of our fingers to our toes to the top of our heads is an endless word to discover, explore and experience.

The Heart of Male Sexuality

We have, us men, these Hearts.
We have this energy of connection.
We have this space to hold you in.
We have this fire to heat you in.
We have this roar to appreciate you in.
We have this quiet to lie with you in.
We have this vulnerability to share with you.
We have this presence, expressed in so many ways.
We have this softness to flow with you.
We have this rhythm to dance with you.

Precious Tears

There have been a lot of tears this week.
My tears, men’s tears, women’s tears.
Tears of gratitude and celebration.
Tears of hurt.
Tears of what’s been hidden, being revealed, and the lightness, the freedom this has brought.
The relief of not carrying that weight any more.
Tears of who we are, almost as a birth, looking at ourselves as if for the first time. Seeing with eyes that are more open, eyes that take some time to adapt to this new vision, looking with wonder.
Tears of release, of letting go, of softening.

I Have Become (Un)Comfortably Numb

We’re taught, from the time we’re small, not to feel too much, too deeply.
Or rather, we’re not taught, to feel, to be with our emotions, to digest them, to learn from them.
It’s a disconnect from the body.
It’s a disconnect from our heart.
It takes us out of being present.
It takes us out of intimacy.
And it takes us out of the possibility of deep pleasure.

The Divine Possibility of Yoni Opening

At the moment many women are reaching out with a desire to have deeper, more fulfilling experiences.
For some women it’s about being able to have sex without pain.
For some women it’s about having an orgasm.
For some women it’s about feeling desire.
For some women it’s about exploring, discovering.
For some women this is about internal orgasms, G-Spot Orgasms, A-Spot, Cervical Orgasms.

The Practice of Sensual Awareness

We use the word Sensuality in a variety of ways.
We use it connected to sex, as the foreplay, the lead up to sex.
We use it connected to experiences of touch, of sensation.
We use it connected to massage, and sensual massage usually means, not always, depending on our understanding, something genital.

A Neck Nuzzle

I would like to share something with you that is so delicious, so simple.
And like a lot of simple things in the world of sensuality there is such depth, such subtlety and such nuance in this.
It’s an art, an expression of the art of pleasure, the art of love, the art of seduction and the art of arousal.

The Space of Male Pleasure Possibility

In many of the workshops and lessons and experiences I’ve been facilitating lately, and over all the time I’ve been teaching, I’ve seen something in many men.
Regardless of what the workshop or experience is about, it becomes about the cock, the penis, the erection, the touch, penetration, orgasm.
There’s an urgency, a desperation in the way it’s expressed. Everything else is forgotten in that moment. It seems as if there’s a switch that goes on, from nought to hyperdrive in a moment, and whatever else we’re doing is switched off.
There might have been intimacy and connection, there might have been an open heart, there might have been a stillness, a quietness, an inner awareness of energy.
And in a moment it’s all focused in one place, in one need.
And that by itself is interesting.
It becomes a need, not a want or desire. A hip-pumping need.

The Flow of Desire, Naturally

Connection.
Flow.
Natural flow.
An invitation that opens in space.
Possibility.
For something to emerge, arise, from the unknown.

The Penetration of Fire

There’s an art of penetration that can deepen the experience incredibly for both partners.
It’s more about energy.
About exploring sensation.
About an intimacy, which is often lacking in friction sex.
About the portal the energy opens to deeper states of awareness.

Sexual Awakening, Life Awakening

Recently I’ve been doing a lot of work with people, men and women, on sexual awakening.
This isn’t something new, I’ve been doing this for a long time, and over time the elements of this journey have deepened and expanded.
I’d like to share some of these with you.

Sexual Awakening is stepping into the field of possibility.
It’s a journey into yourself, into all aspects of yourself.
It’s a journey into vitality and passion.
It’s a journey into creativity.
A journey into your body, your heart, your mind and your spirit.

Penetration of the Heart

The way most people have penetrative sex is what we call friction sex.
That’s exactly what it is, skin rubbing against skin. We generally do it harder and faster as the sensation builds to have that explosive, contractive orgasm.
It becomes about more friction, more friction, harder, faster.
It’s the explosion we’re seeking.

When we expand our perspective on this we come to see that there are so many more possibilities in the experience.
When we begin learning and exploring we become aware of sensation and energy.

The Limitless Conversation of Touch

Touch is a language
That goes deeper than words
It’s the language of the body
That has a knowing
That speaks to the heart
To the places deep within us

Learning to touch, to massage, is one of the most important things we can do.
Especially in relationship.

Hey Man, Learn to Soften

I work a lot with men with ‘performance’ issues.
And that’s a big part of the problem.
It’s not a performance.
It’s not a race, a competition, an achievement. It’s not something you have to make happen.
As soon as there’s performance, there’s pressure. You succeed or you fail.
And in that there is no space for pleasure.
There’s no space for intimacy.
There’s no space for presence.

Intimacy Bypass

I was thinking about intimacy, sex, making love. I was contemplating a piece I thought I was ready to write called Foreplay of the Heart. That wasn’t quite there, this was.

Often, for many of us, sex is a bypass of intimacy.
Orgasm is a bypass of intimacy.

We’ve been conditioned to think that sex and intimacy are the same thing.
They’re not.
That doesn’t mean they can’t be, of course they can. If we have a very different kind of sex, or rather, in a different way.
But for so many of us we put sex and intimacy in bed together and they’re not.

Important Sexual Words, in a Clitoral Context

I’d like to share some really important sexual words with you, and then put them in a specific context and experience.
Before you get all excited these may not be the words you’re expecting, and they are words to get even more excited about because they’ll help you have more sex, and more fulfilling sex.
The experience we’re going to connect these words to is something that’s come up a lot lately with people I’ve been working with, and in online discussions and questions. And once you get it in this experience you’ll be able to use it in so many ways.

She’d Like You to Know

Over the past weeks, as over the years, I’ve had some conversations with women.
These are women who are looking to heal, expand, change, improve their relationships. They’d like, love, want so much, to have greater intimacy and connection, more pleasure, share more, feel more, love more.
They’ve opened the door.
Out of love, out of desire.
Some of their partners are willing to share the journey, do the work, go into themselves.
Some are not. And that’s not exclusive to men.