Intimacy Bypass
I was thinking about intimacy, sex, making love. I was contemplating a piece I thought I was ready to write called Foreplay of the Heart. That wasn’t quite there, this was.
Often, for many of us, sex is a bypass of intimacy.
Orgasm is a bypass of intimacy.
We’ve been conditioned to think that sex and intimacy are the same thing.
They’re not.
That doesn’t mean they can’t be, of course they can. If we have a very different kind of sex, or rather, in a different way.
But for so many of us we put sex and intimacy in bed together and they’re not.
Important Sexual Words, in a Clitoral Context
I’d like to share some really important sexual words with you, and then put them in a specific context and experience.
Before you get all excited these may not be the words you’re expecting, and they are words to get even more excited about because they’ll help you have more sex, and more fulfilling sex.
The experience we’re going to connect these words to is something that’s come up a lot lately with people I’ve been working with, and in online discussions and questions. And once you get it in this experience you’ll be able to use it in so many ways.
She’d Like You to Know
Over the past weeks, as over the years, I’ve had some conversations with women.
These are women who are looking to heal, expand, change, improve their relationships. They’d like, love, want so much, to have greater intimacy and connection, more pleasure, share more, feel more, love more.
They’ve opened the door.
Out of love, out of desire.
Some of their partners are willing to share the journey, do the work, go into themselves.
Some are not. And that’s not exclusive to men.
Heart – Centered Erotic Touch
The first thing I teach everyone I work with, the first thing we do on all the workshops and retreats, the first thing on all the webinars, is The Heart Connection.
When I started teaching massage it was all about technique. This was more than 25 years ago. The focus of the lessons was how to, and the ways to.
Then I developed The Heart Touch, and everything changed.
From that Heart Connection we touch differently, with greater awareness, love, tenderness, energy.
Soft Sex
So often when we hear the term soft sex we think about a soft Lingam.
That can be such a beautiful experience and has some amazing possibilities.
I’d like to share something different with you about soft sex.
It’s a softening, a softening into your body, your heart, your genitals, into your partner, into the moment, into the energy.
There’s a tenderness here.
I love that word.
It’s an opening, a surrender.
There’s an honoring in tenderness, in the way we look at each other, the way we touch, the way we hold each other.
There’s care in tenderness.
Divine Desire
I started writing a piece on the shame of desire.
This came up a lot in the past week with my students and clients. How we’ve been made to feel shame for the desires we have, what it means, who we are when we have these experiences. So much of this has been the ‘wrongness’ of what arouses us. So much of this has been the story of what we should be, how we should be, and how our sexuality should be expressed. According to someone else’s idea, expectation and story.
That’s important here, the story we tell ourselves, have been told.
The (Yoni) Freedom to Feel
The freedom to feel is the freedom to experience, feeling, sensation, energy, emotion.
It’s the freedom to experience the moment, in the fullness of all that it has to offer.
To feel this requires us to relinquish many things.
It requires us to let go of the patterning around pleasure which is linked to performance and the pressure this creates.
It requires us to let go of achievement.
It requires us to let go of getting it right, making it happen.
It even requires us to let go of orgasm.
Meet Yourself in Pleasure
In pleasure we meet ourselves.
In deep, conscious pleasure we meet some of the deepest parts of who we are.
My teaching journey began teaching about pleasure, particularly women’s pleasure.
This included offering touch, massage and pleasure experiences. These were experiences of deep pleasure, service, intimacy, fun, learning, discovery, emotion, exploration, healing, growth, spirit, connection, release and more.
Over time this journey expanded into working and sharing as deeply with men.
Pleasure.
And over time I’ve come to see, in so many ways, the power and possibility of pleasure.
In this I have learned, developed and created, and continue to do, so many pleasure experiences.
I Found Something
I found something recently, and there might be something for you in what I’ve found.
I have always loved what I do.
When people talk about having a job I’ve never really thought of this as a job in the traditional sense.
I don’t think you can do this kind of work when you see it as a job.
I’ve always loved it.
It hasn’t always been easy, in fact there have been times of great hardship, in every way. Financially, emotionally, romantically, sexually, spiritually.
But I’ve always loved it, and can’t see myself doing much else.
Maybe a pancake bar on a beach, that’s always been a fantasy.
This Divine Body
From the ends of your toes to the tips of your fingers to the top of your head.
Your Divine Body.
There is a lifetime in your body, a lifetime of sensation, a lifetime of feelings, a lifetime of emotions.
Two, an egg, a sperm, came together to make one, you.
In this, your divine body.
There is no other like you, unique beauty in this skin.
Your skin holds you perfectly, surrounds you, gives you a home.
To make love with you, to make love to you, is to make love to all of you.
All of you, all of your divine body.
Yoni Massage and the Practice of Time
I was recently asked to teach a course on Yoni Massage for a group of practitioners.
This filled me with excitement for a few reasons.
The first is I love to teach, and I love to inspire others, and the more I’m able to inspire you, the more inspired I get, we all expand.
In this expansion, and in the teaching, in the creating of the course, in putting any workshop or retreat together, I learn. And when I learn I get more inspired to share. As I put a course together, even if it’s something I’ve been teaching for years, there are always new insights and understandings. Many of these come from the questions you ask, the discussions we have, and the practices, the practices, the practices. So much understanding emerges from the practices. This understanding allows the practice to expand.
Sacred Yoni Massage
The sacred in me arises when I sit before you, when I look into your eyes.
The sacred in me arises when I kneel before you.
The sacred in me arises when I sit between your legs.
The sacred in me arises when I rest my hand on your heart.
The sacred in me arises when I rest my hand on your Yoni.
The sacred in me arises when I worship you.
The Massage High
A while ago after a deep massage exchange someone said that she feels high, trippy, spacey.
Just looking at her I could see that she was in an expanded state of consciousness. There was a glow of joy, of peace, a radiance that was palpable.
Over the years of doing and teaching massage, something has emerged that’s given me a different perspective on massage and touch.
Hello
It’s the beginning of the year so it’s a great time to introduce, and re-introduce myself to you.
There’s also a lot that’s new in my work which is another good reason.
But first, a digression, I love digressions.
The only thing that’s going to make this year different, regardless of what’s happening externally, is our own inner journeys of healing, growth, learning and experience. That’s it. There is so much more to be said about this, books have been written about, there are so many talks and videos, about it.
The simplicity of it is just that, it’s about our inner journey.
I’m For The Slow
I’m for the slow….
For in the slow we feel.
In the slow we savour.
In the slow is the subtle.
In the slow is presence.
In the slow is appreciation.
In the slow is awareness.
In the slow our hearts open.
In the slow our bodies open.
In the slow we come into awareness.
I’m for the slow…
Lessons in Sacred Sex 3
Slowly, she said to me, slowly.
Rest the head of your Lingam at the opening of my Yoni.
Be still, breathe.
Feel her open, feel her begin to invite you in, to welcome you.
This is the honoring of the temple.
Make Love with Your Hands, Make Love with Life
I talk about making love with life.
I talk about how when we hear the term ‘making love’ our thoughts go to our genitals, to sex.
I talk about how making love happens in so many ways, and our genitals and sex are just one aspect of that.
I talk about how when we live more from our Hearts, life becomes an expression of making love.
I also talk about Heart-Centered Sexuality, as being more of an expression of love, of making love, than sex.
G-Spot Holding
G-Spot Holding is a deep practice of healing and release.
It’s a practice of pleasure.
It’s a practice of feeling and sensation.
It’s a practice of intimacy and connection.
It’s a practice of energy.
It’s a practice of allowing.
Allowing in healing, as that’s where so many of our journeys begin, is important.
In allowing, the body, the wisdom within us, becomes the guide.
Coffee, Panettone and Expanded Orgasm
Coffee this afternoon is special, with one of my favorite things, Panettone, so deliciously sensual.
I am so glad we only get them for a short time in South Africa, at this time of the year.
Tonight’s workshop is also special, one of my favorites to teach. I enjoy everything I teach, Expanded Orgasm is always special as it was one of the first workshops I taught
Coffee of Loving and Longing
Coffee this afternoon is fascinating.
I’m sipping it slowly, savoring the taste, the aroma. I’m looking at the sky, the garden, the clouds. I love watching clouds. I’m listening to the birds, distant traffic.
I’ve written and deleted a few lines so many times.
It’s a delicate coffee, delicate of body, delicate of mind.
A Conscious Pleasure Experience
Coffee this afternoon is back home in Johannesburg.
There’s a rain shower, gentle rain, and I can see the sun shining in some parts of the sky, in the distance.
The sound of the raindrops falling on the different surfaces, the grass, the trees, the roof, the railings of the balcony, come together, separate.
My cup is nearly empty as I write this, something that’s been inside for a long time.
Giving Myself Away Over Coffee
Coffee this afternoon is back home in Johannesburg.
There’s a rain shower, gentle rain, and I can see the sun shining in some parts of the sky, in the distance.
The sound of the raindrops falling on the different surfaces, the grass, the trees, the roof, the railings of the balcony, come together, separate.
My cup is nearly empty as I write this, something that’s been inside for a long time.
This Sensual Moment of Oneness
On Saturday I was at The Oranjezicht Market in Cape Town.
There was a moment.
A moment of such deep sensuality that my heart swelled to having no edges that I could feel.
I was standing in one of the good areas.
Bob Dylan was coming over the sound system.
There was a carpet of voices.
There was the aroma of coffee.
There was the aroma of so many foods.
There were the colours of all the produce.
There were people, bodies.
There was the wind.
There was the sea.
I breathed it in and my heart expanded, expanded, expanded…
In a moment of sensuality. I was all those things, all those people, they were me.
Then the world came back, the boundaries of life settled back into place.
Coffee and an Offering
I’ve been thinking a lot, writing about love.
I’ve been deeper into love in myself.
And I’ve been thinking about making love.
There is often a question asked about the difference between having sex and making love.
During my yoga practice the other morning I was listening to my teacher’s voice about the Unlimited Posture.
So much about love came rushing in, particularly about the limitation we put on love.
Not only how little we allow ourselves to feel, which keeps us safe, because if you go too deep, well, everything is going to crack open.
But also the limitation on the context of love. Who we can share that with, how that needs to be.
Birthday Coffee and Love Unlimited
I’ve been aware of an expanding expression of love.
Seeds that were planted, some long ago, some more recently, coming into flower.
Deepening my Heart Breath practice, sitting more in my heart in healing, space, teaching space.
For so many of us love happens in a very specific context, in a very specific way. It happens between 2 people, and it happens with a whole lot of expectations, expressed or not, a whole lot of desires, hopes and wants, expressed or not.
Expressing love beyond this, other than to family, close friends, takes us into a deep story of patterning, conditioning, judgment and even fear.
The Heart Touch and a Rush Of Love
Over the past weeks some new practices have emerged in my work.
There’s been a mixing of massage and meditation, and a mouth massage, both of these have deepened healing and pleasure experiences enormously.
And then something else in the past week.
The only way I can describe it is a Rush of Love.
The Way of Gentleness
There are many ways to heal, to learn, to grow and to experience.
The path I’ve chosen is that of gentleness.
In gentleness we soften, we open.
We relax, we release.
We let go.
We can’t do that in tension, in contraction.
In gentleness we allow.
We connect to the wisdom within us, in our bodies, in our hearts.
We can hear, we can feel, the inner voice, the guidance.
We can move, literally and metaphorically, energetically, physically, emotionally, sexually, spiritually.
Holding Presence
One of the most intriguing aspects of this journey of teaching is the learning that keeps coming.
During a Water Flow Massage experience I had a beautiful opportunity to do this. I don’t often participate in the experience, and this week I allowed myself that gift. It brought an incredibly important element of the experience, and of touch and healing work to mind. There are so many elements of this work that from time to time we tend to forget some of them.
Holding.
One of the simplest, and deepest, most powerful parts of touch is holding.
With presence.
And that’s the key.
Cold Coffee and the Facts
Last week I had coffee with my social media coach, Bronwynne. (By the way, she is fantastic, if you’re looking for help with social media, I’ll happily connect you.)
I showed her what I’d written as an introduction to the workshops, and I saw from the look on her face that it wasn’t…not not good, just flowery, poetic, round-about…
It made me think of a misquote by Dan Aykroyd from an old TV series, ‘Just the facts, ma’am, just the facts’.
Expanded Energy Orgasm
There is such power, such possibility in being relaxed, deeply relaxed, in pleasure.
The body opens, energy begins to flow.
From our sexual centre to the heart, and higher, spreading through the body.
A wave of sexual energy that releases so much that is blocked within us, within the tissues of our body.
A wave of sexual energy that fills us with gentle vitality.
A wave of sexual energy that fills us with gentle bliss.
A wave of sexual energy that melts us, expands us.
A Conscious Mouth
This idea arose from a place of deep pleasure, from a place of intimacy with my body, from a place of conscious connection and awareness with my body.
For so many of us the relationship we have with our bodies is, at best, functional.
I say at best as we’ve been conditioned not only out of our bodies and more into the mind, but also out of liking, accepting and loving our bodies.
An Embrace
There is one thing we all need at the moment.
Need.
All of us, wherever we are on the rainbow of life, in every way there can be.
Need.
One of the effects of the pandemic, and its own pandemic, is the disconnect, the isolation, the separation we’re experiencing.
The impact of this, on our bodies, our hearts, our minds, our energy, goes deep. It contracts us, contracts every aspect of our health and well-being, on every level of being human.
More than ever we need to be embraced.
Being A Good Lover Is…
There is a really interesting aspect of being a good lover that we don’t always connect with sex.
Almost everyone who shares a healing and growth with me at some point says that they’re amazed at how it has everything to do with sex and nothing to do with sex.
This is the same.
Sex doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It doesn’t take place in a separate space from the rest of our lives, and it definitely is connected to the rest of a relationship.
So much that sex is about isn’t in the bedroom.
Sexual Healing, Heart Healing
There is something that I have intrinsically known that has come to conscious awareness.
So many of our sexual issues are heart issues.
We heal them in the heart.
Yes they’re in our bodies, in our genitals.
Yes we need to do the healing, the release there.
The Curiosity of Love and Pleasure
There’s something I teach which is so important when it comes to pleasure, to sexuality, to sensuality, to growth.
It’s also such an important element in relationships.
There’s a progression, a journey that starts with curiosity.
Curiosity becomes interest.
Interest becomes fascination.
Fascination becomes wonder.
Wonder is the space of awe, of reverence.
This is the place of mystery, of spirit.
This is where we experience the knowing, the magic.
Breast and Heart Massage
Breast and Heart Massage is the space where healing, relaxation, acknowledgement, sensuality, arousal, love and nurturing meet.
It’s often an experience of deep emotion, bringing so much to awareness.
For many women breasts are symbolic of nurturing and nourishing, and for many women that’s mostly been in giving.
There’s deep patterning and conditioning around this.
You give, you nourish others, you nurture others.
You do so much to make others happy.
You do for others, often at the expense of yourself.
Tears of Beauty
I am in an incredible position, because of the work I do. I get to spend emotional time with men, vulnerable time with men.
And one of the most beautiful, one of the most powerful, one of the most touching elements in this space is the tears.
Men’s tears are amazing.
And so controlled, so repressed, so suppressed, so hidden.
Clitintimacy
The other day I was doing a clitoral massage. This was in the space of healing, of pleasure, of energy, of sensation.
In the moment something came to awareness in an emotional rush, deeper than ever before.
How incredibly mysterious, how incredibly magical, how incredibly fascinating, how incredibly beautiful a clitoris is!
Yoni Massage As Worship
Greet your lover as an expression of The Goddess.
Greet her with reverence, with humility.
Approach her as you would the Divine in a place of prayer.
Kneel before her.
Be open to serve her, to serve her body, serve her heart, serve her soul.
The Making of an Erotic Massage Therapist Pt 1
I’d like to share some of my journey with you, what brought me to this point as an erotic massage therapist and teacher.
I’ve been doing this for over 20 years and it’s a journey of continuous learning, expansion, growth, exploration, understanding and connection.
It’s about the body, it’s about the mind, it’s about the heart, it’s about energy, it’s about sexuality, it’s about sensuality, it’s about eroticism, it’s about intimacy and more.
Yoni Healing Massage Pt 2
I begin with guiding her through 3 breaths, each one deeper and slower.
One hand in her heart, the other on her yoni.
Connecting.
Slowing down.
Breathing.
Then 5 points on the pubic bone.
Yoni Healing Massage
Yoni Healing Massage and Yoni Pleasure Massage are not always the same.
Pleasure massage, with a heart touch, and an intention of Honouring, of giving, of connection, will always have a healing element.
Healing Massage is different.
It’s a specific practice, or rather, series of practices with a very clear intention.
To heal, to release, to relax, to soften, to open, to sensitise, to vitalise, to connect, to embody.
Yoni Healing
Yoni Healing is slow, so slow.
It’s gentle, so gentle.
It’s allowing, not making, not forcing, not rushing.
It’s allowing your body to release, to soften.
To release the past.
